how am i not dead

i dont think i can handle this
 the lies
the abuse
 the blood

its not makeing sense anymore

 whats wrong with me

im dead
i have to be
 theres no posible way i can be alive

im sinned

the damage
 look at me
my eyes
my arms
my face

im horible

 why. . . . .
why cant i be normal
why am i this girl
who cant even live her life
 
 someone. . . .
explain this

how. . . .

how am i not dead