THE GIRL MY HEART YEARNED FOR

Even if I say I’m over her
It just doesn’t want to seem that way
I see a picture of her or hear her voice and my heart starts racing
Sometimes she leads me on and I say to my self
Could it be? Is she finally ready to give me a chance? But no it’s just her being nice to me
Like this poem i wrote
“My life I surrender to you and your hands that I wish to hold for all eternity knowing that it may never be a reality yet I still yearn for the chance”

Something keeps telling me I have a chance but I guess not, different state different things
She’s tells me about her crushes and Guys she likes
Which breaks me, my heart in hand and I try giving it to her but the throws it away and it breaks into pieces.
I told her she was beautiful and she scraped it and said someone else told her she was beautiful
I felt hurt
And not valid
My best friend tells me to leave and find peace I don’t listen she looks out for me, she cares for me I don’t listen.
Pain and more pain yet I kept holding on
I try to talk but get aired and it breaks me knowing she’s online and sees my text.
She says I’m one of her favorite person and special to her but I don’t feel it
To her I’m just her friend but for me she’s more than that even if we weren’t dating
She brings me joy when we speak
All my problems washes away
I don’t hear the voices in my head.
She felt like home to me. I called her Hinata but she’s doesn’t know why
I’ve keep giving all my love to her and nothing given back to me I’m getting tired and tired
I feel worthless
Sometimes I feel like a zombie with a consciousness
I kept breaking my own heart
Maybe if I see her in a relationship all my feelings will die, my only fear is when it dies it I hope it doesn’t take me with it.

But such is life it’s the reality of it silly me I talk about accepting realities but I don’t accept my own

Mahmoud Darwish said
“Love is something you will eventually lose but it’ll come back in another form”
well I guess I have to wait to see the other form.
 
But I don’t want anyone, I don’t want another girl.  
I just want her
She’s very special
Talented
Had ambition
She had drive and qualities you don’t see in other girls
She has a fair skin similar to gold and eyes that sparkled like diamonds and the voice of Angel with lips as red as strawberries she was the sun and I was the moon her bright smile illuminated my heart she was also a poet and one of the best I’ve seen she was Christ like and a God fearing woman she had my heart by ropes I couldn’t think straight when I’m with her. I just wanted her.
We shared so many things
we had the same taste in music and movies
She could talk for hours about a movie she watched and all I wanted was to listen I didn’t care if I spoke, nothing was on my mind but to listen to  her voice.
She was 1 in a billion and even if i get hurt in the process of loving her, she was the girl my heart yearned for.

        Jemba