Dark truth and other silly lies

For me it seems disaster is routine
when it comes to love I am a horse-marine
never fitting in, nor standing out
flowing through interactions like a lost trout
seeking the warmth that seems to elude
crashing onto loneliness that does protrude
like a boat tossed so casually out to sea
but never giving up on the idea of Me.
I seek what I never lost
only to pay a much higher cost,
the reflection is just a lie, lightning crashing
trying to be beautiful feels like a lashing
torture scarring my mind, creating new cuts
and destroying any hope as the window shuts
letting in the lost moonbeam to shine
all in the hopes of Me becoming mine.