R.I.P.

I open my eyes.  
I am unsure if there is just a void
that longs  to be filled.  
Or if it it is completely empty
that nothing could ever fill.  
 
I stand up.  
My knees are feeble.  
Probably because I could not stand the pain,
or there is just too much weight I need to carry.  
Or it's the whole lot feeling of solitude  
that's wearing me down.  
 
Then I walk.  
More so traipse into nothingness.  
With my fidgety fingers
trying to  fumble into the obscurity,  
And with a cold feet to proceed and figure out the devious road.  
 
I breathe.  
Slow. Short.  
I am grasping for clean air  
as I feel the lump on my throat.  
I am unsure if it clears  
or  the air way  constricts a bit more.  
 
 
My heart is just shattered.  
And I can feel it all over my body.  
No matter how happy I will become in my life,  
a spot is still missing because you are not around.  
 
 
~ J <3