deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Lover Of My Heart
YOU!
You are my anchor,
my charmer,
a harbour to my sailing heart.
My heart is spilling flaming love wailing for you.
For you are embracing to my love
My body and soul are screaming for you.
You embody me for the better
For the bitter times,
you trigger the winner in me
as you are quicker to sail into my heart.
My heart palpitates at the regard of you.
My mind halts at the thought of you.
You make me perceive things I never knew existed.
Your entity electrifies my soul
pervading my body with ceaseless love.
*~SUNFLOWER.SHARES~*
You are my anchor,
my charmer,
a harbour to my sailing heart.
My heart is spilling flaming love wailing for you.
For you are embracing to my love
My body and soul are screaming for you.
You embody me for the better
For the bitter times,
you trigger the winner in me
as you are quicker to sail into my heart.
My heart palpitates at the regard of you.
My mind halts at the thought of you.
You make me perceive things I never knew existed.
Your entity electrifies my soul
pervading my body with ceaseless love.
*~SUNFLOWER.SHARES~*
Published 5th Nov 2023
| Edited 6th Nov 2023
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
A pleasant and open poem that would perhaps be stronger with an pruned opening such as
YOU!
are my anchor
my charmer
the harbour to my sailing heart.
Because then the emphasis is entirely on the first ‘you’.
‘Slither’ is perhaps an unusual word to include in what is ostensibly a love poem, although it depends, of course, on what sense you wish to impart.
I liked ‘better / bitter’, and also ‘spilling / flaming’.
There are various places where fullstops appear to be missing, although this may be your style.
Palpitations is perhaps superfluous, because you used ‘flutters’.
Not sure about the use of ‘gander’ in a love poem.
The last two lines might be more impactful if trimmed to:
Your entity electrifies my soul
pervading my body with ceaseless love.
Overall, a pleasing and gentle poem, with an effective balance between the lover and loved.
YOU!
are my anchor
my charmer
the harbour to my sailing heart.
Because then the emphasis is entirely on the first ‘you’.
‘Slither’ is perhaps an unusual word to include in what is ostensibly a love poem, although it depends, of course, on what sense you wish to impart.
I liked ‘better / bitter’, and also ‘spilling / flaming’.
There are various places where fullstops appear to be missing, although this may be your style.
Palpitations is perhaps superfluous, because you used ‘flutters’.
Not sure about the use of ‘gander’ in a love poem.
The last two lines might be more impactful if trimmed to:
Your entity electrifies my soul
pervading my body with ceaseless love.
Overall, a pleasing and gentle poem, with an effective balance between the lover and loved.
5th Nov 2023 7:27pm
