deepundergroundpoetry.com
Dirt
“How can dirt be brave and and [SIC] mighty
to involve itsef [SIC] in rapture
changing what was high and honest
into what is so disgusting?”
I never thought
or knew
that dirt was sentient
and furthermore
possessed by a desire
(or had capacity)
for bravery
or was itself
quite able to design
and undertake attempts
at rapturing “mankind”.
But Joeph-Z
has said it’s so
and thus, to him at least,
his claim is indisputable.
Shall I or anyone regard
his declaration on
just what it is
that dirt intends and aims
to do
as true?.
Or shall we view his claim
as showing once again
that when he so pontificates
about what courses objects in the world
like dirt
pursue
or what’s in mankind’s minds
he doesn’t know what is
and isn’t poo.
to involve itsef [SIC] in rapture
changing what was high and honest
into what is so disgusting?”
I never thought
or knew
that dirt was sentient
and furthermore
possessed by a desire
(or had capacity)
for bravery
or was itself
quite able to design
and undertake attempts
at rapturing “mankind”.
But Joeph-Z
has said it’s so
and thus, to him at least,
his claim is indisputable.
Shall I or anyone regard
his declaration on
just what it is
that dirt intends and aims
to do
as true?.
Or shall we view his claim
as showing once again
that when he so pontificates
about what courses objects in the world
like dirt
pursue
or what’s in mankind’s minds
he doesn’t know what is
and isn’t poo.
Published 27th Sep 2023
| Edited 28th Sep 2023
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
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comments 6
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
28th Sep 2023 6:45am
This needs to be workshopped Baldwin. I can see where you want to go with it but the structure isn't sound. Good read though.
28th Sep 2023 12:31pm
I'd be grateful if you'd tell me what you mean by "sound" and what, in your eyes, I need to do to make the structure of this piece conform to your definition of that word.
28th Sep 2023 3:51pm
Is that 'clam' in the first line of the last verse a mistype?
I enjoyed the poem. 👍
All the best. 💫
I enjoyed the poem. 👍
All the best. 💫
"Is that 'clam' in the first line of the last verse a mistype? "
Yes, it is. Thanks for pointing it out. I'll correct it.
"I enjoyed the poem."
Thanks for saying so. But I ask you to tell me why you enjoyed it. I welcome applause, but that in itself does not give me what I want when I ask, as I always do, for criticism, namely, information on how and why the submission "worked" so that I have some idea of what I should keep doing when I write.
Yes, it is. Thanks for pointing it out. I'll correct it.
"I enjoyed the poem."
Thanks for saying so. But I ask you to tell me why you enjoyed it. I welcome applause, but that in itself does not give me what I want when I ask, as I always do, for criticism, namely, information on how and why the submission "worked" so that I have some idea of what I should keep doing when I write.
'I enjoyed the poem' simply means in this case that I didn't want you to think I was being snarky by pointing out the typo. A lot of members on this site, even if he or she has clicked the 'Welcome honest critique' button, tend to take offence if any sort of criticism is offered. Obviously you're not one of these people, which is refreshing. Any future comments I should choose to make on your poems will therefore include a detailed critique.
All the best.
All the best.
"'I enjoyed the poem' simply means in this case that I didn't want you to think I was being snarky by pointing out the typo."
It never crossed my mind.
"A lot of members on this site, even if he or she has clicked the 'Welcome honest critique' button, tend to take offence if any sort of criticism is offered.
Yes, they don't want criticism. They want adulation. They are textbook narcissists and cannot stand being shown that they do not have the poetic talent that they think they have, for acknowledging that their submissions deserved any criticism that's leveled against them would be to admit that their perception of themselves as master poets who are incapable of writing poorly is unjustified. Have you noticed how much their responses to criticisms of their "work" are nothing more than ad hominems? That's a sure sign that they feel their perception of themselves is being attacked.
"Obviously you're not one of these people, which is refreshing. Any future comments I should choose to make on your poems shall therefore include a detailed critique".
Thank you.
It never crossed my mind.
"A lot of members on this site, even if he or she has clicked the 'Welcome honest critique' button, tend to take offence if any sort of criticism is offered.
Yes, they don't want criticism. They want adulation. They are textbook narcissists and cannot stand being shown that they do not have the poetic talent that they think they have, for acknowledging that their submissions deserved any criticism that's leveled against them would be to admit that their perception of themselves as master poets who are incapable of writing poorly is unjustified. Have you noticed how much their responses to criticisms of their "work" are nothing more than ad hominems? That's a sure sign that they feel their perception of themselves is being attacked.
"Obviously you're not one of these people, which is refreshing. Any future comments I should choose to make on your poems shall therefore include a detailed critique".
Thank you.
