Taco Bell Encounter

shredded cheese lingers on my shirt from the inside of the taco from taco bell I just scarfed down.
my thoughts race and the good taste help ease my mind. But i know this shit is killing me.

I know this food isnt what god has for me

I parked my car even just to hide my desire to continuously eat .

Im hungry but not for this bullshit.
yet i take another bite.
 
I used to think this shit is like a science project.
Im the mouse and this food is the chemical.

I opened my doubled stuffed burrito and memorys from my childhood arose.
I remember me leaving my inside voice to fill those coming from an overstretched, overstressed , abused mother.
Spilling her damage into me I heard her ..
I heard her never listening to me…
I heard her never thinking about me ….
It was all about her and I had so much to say…
But when could I ever tell her ?
When did she ever have a break from herself?

I put the burrito down.
The memories made me sick to even eat .
How can you eat with sick memories ?

I picked up my phone and started pecking away
to explain ..
How comfort food is poison
I want God so much in my life
I keep begging
But I have to meet him halfway to change the game on this  crappy hand Ive been playing with
Im tired of noone not calling me out on my own bullshit
Im in sin . God wants us to have a good life.
And how can I win while putting bad stuff in my body