The Nightmare and I

It's the fog that casts shadowy doubts. And then it's dark! All of a sudden it's dark!  
I'm panicked about the darkness.  
Even though the light is on, it's dark.  
It's dim and delusional.    
I'm tired and exhausted from sleeping.    
I don't remember the dreams.    
I don't retain the memories.    
I don't want to participate.    
I don't want to remain.    
It's too hard to see.    
Am I going insane?  
My head is always in a hurry.    
It's foggy as hell and it hurts.    
It thumps.  
With each step.    
The shadows inside are white, inside the gray fog.  
They flood in from everywhere.  
They are right here, right now, in this present moment. They follow me, they haunt me.    
They won't leave. They keep returning. Repeating their assault on my senses, on my brain.    
Running the same ole programming.    
Sometimes I feel lightheaded. Like I'm high, ready to pass out. But no such chance.  
I have to stay alert and in control, right here in the present moment.  
It's a lot of work.  
It's just a lot.