Its Not You Its Me

I know that by breaking rules there are consequences.  
Its something we learn in preschool.  
I envy those that are able to throw caution to the wind and live every second care free not wondering if something they are doing will come back to bite them.  
This in the moment condemnation is exhausting.  
Friends are nice to have, my faith (religion) tells me I'm only to have female friends. I'm not saying its wrong, I'm just saying, what if I dont like things girls like? What if I was raised in a house predominately male and by my grandparents who raised me the "old way" so to speak? What if I enjoy things other girls can't relate to? Hunting, fishing, farming... I hate gossip, I hate the mall! I hate getting my nails done, getting a mocha fat free, no foam, soy milk latte with the cute little heart drawn with a toothpick kinda crap.  
Yeah, that's just not me...  
Give me a starry sky, camp fire, frog gigging, mountain climbing, cow tipping, skinny dipping, arrowhead hunting, snipe hunting, hay throwing, back road swerving kinda atmosphere, now THAT I can relate to.  
And before bed each night, I hit my knees and thank God for it all.  
I'm a bird watcher, I make homemade butter, I fail every day at being my best self, but I'm not in delusion about it, I just get up the next day and try again.  
Its hard to find women who can relate, who's goals are similar, who won't throw me, their "friend" under the bus to save herself, or to gain a higher position within the pack of ladies by spreading personal things I've told her in private.  
I'm just not into all that, nor do I have the time for it.  
Idk, I'm probably once again doing it all wrong, but its hard to go through life not having a close friend to talk to. Its hard to live isolated due to belief. The irony? Nobody makes me be this way, its my own heart that condemns me, and maybe rightfully so, but everybody needs a friend. Nothing more, nothing less...