deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Future
I’ve never really understood poetry’, the man said.
‘That’s okay’, replied Steph, ‘I think that’s almost the point, for everyone to understand it differently’.
They were standing in front of the literature exhibit at the National Museum, admiring the work of John Keats.
‘I actually had a boyfriend once who wrote poetry’, Steph continued, a wry smile on her face.
‘Why am I not surprised, a care-free introvert like you going out with a poet’, the man laughed.
‘Was he your typical self-destructive, the world hurts too much, cut-off-his-ear type’ he asked, seemingly genuinely intrigued now.
Steph paused, looking at the centuries old book in front of her, but not seeing it.
After a pause, she said softly, ‘he actually was. It was kind of romantic, dating a tortured soul.’
The main turned, all attention on his love, seeing the memories in her eyes, the art around them now forgotten.
‘We don’t have to talk about it bab-’
‘No, it’s okay. I don’t mind’.
She paused again. After a moment:
‘He wrote the most beautiful poetry. It was like he would pour his soul and heart onto the page, giving everything to the words. All of his pain, his anguish, his guilt. He would purge himself of it for that one brief moment, and what would be left was a part of him that he no longer kept hidden.’
‘Wow’, he said. ‘It sounds like he was quite a person’.
‘Yes, he was’, Stepl replied, looking down, sadness cast upon her face for the first time.
‘But he was troubled. He had a lot of issues. Depression, suicide ideation, substance abuse problems, anger control issues. It even got violent between us a few times…’ she trailed off.
‘Jesus, I guess artists really are crazy’, he sighed.
Steph laughed. Her smile wide and loud. For the first time in the conversation she seemed soothed, and in return the man was relieved. He was starting to regret starting this exchange, but it seemed like Steph needed to talk.
‘He would have relished that. The tortured soul routine. But all of his writing wasn’t just depressive and cynical. Every now and again, he would write something beautiful. There was one called The Meadow, and one named after the hamster we had.
I remember after we did mushrooms for the first time together-’
‘What!’ , the main exclaimed, incredulous and laughing at the same time.
‘Oh yes,’ she said slyly, ‘you have many a thing to learn about me yet’.
‘Anyway. One time after we did mushrooms, our entire outlooks on life were changed for a good six months. We became so happy and optimistic. He wrote a poem called Pulsing Particles. It was so beautiful that I printed it out and put it on the wall next to my bed.’
‘I am honestly gobsmacked’, the man admitted, in awe. ‘I am learning more about you in this conversation than the last ten months of us dating’.
‘He was angry, and depressive, and pretty much an addict to everything you shouldn’t be addicted to. But underneath all that, the things that hardly anyone got to see, was his softness. His heart. He was on the of kindest people I ever knew. Only the people closest to him got to see it. He hid it. And I never knew why. Maybe he didn’t really know how to be that way all of the time. I often thought he had a duality about his personality.’
‘It sounds like you two were meant for each other, what happened?’ the man asked.
They were sitting on the bench now, away from all of the artworks and exhibits, completely focused on each other. Two people falling madly in love, and learning why.
‘The words weren’t enough’, Steph said simply.
‘As much as I loved him, and as beautiful the notion of a poet wth a heart was, life got in the way. He couldn’t hold down a job. He was terrible with money. Drugs and alcohol got the better of him. In the end I couldn’t take it anymore. It broke us.’.
She seemed sad now, sadder than he had ever seen her in the almost year of them dating. This, the women whom he was certain he was in love with. He just wanted to hold her, to tell her that it would all be alright. And he would. He would grab and her and never let her go. But not yet. She wasn’t finished yet. He wanted her to complete her cathatsis.
‘And that’s what killed him’, she spoke softly.
‘He died?’ he exclaimed, shocked.
‘Oh Stephanie, I’m so sorry, I don’t even know what to say’. The man was holding both of her hands now in his, determined to give any of kind of comfort he could.
‘He killed himself’, Steph said. ‘After we broke up he dropped further and further into a spiral of drugs, alcohol and depression. About 2 years after we split he hung himself in the flat we used to live in.
It will be ten years this summer.’
‘Fuck. Baby I’m so sorry I should have never brought it up, I wouldn’t have if I had known’ he stammered.
‘No, it’s okay’ Steph said, more assured, looking up from the floor, fresh tears on her face but with a happy determination he knew so well.
‘It actually feels good to talk about it. I haven’t thought about him in a long time.’
Looking at him, she smiled and gently touched his cheek. The man she knew she was destined to be with.
‘We can talk about it any time you want’, he finished, kissing her and pulling her into the tightest cuddle he could muster.
Together they got up, hand in hand, and headed for the exit. They were done with art for the day. Love and sunshine was beckoning them forth.
Published 30th Jun 2023
Author's Note
This is my first try at something a bit more long form. Its very rough and jagged, but it came from the heart. Please be delicate.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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1st Jul 2023 11:25am
This was simply wonderful, my friend... truly.
It was well written and put together in a way that covered such a beautiful array of emotional poignance, throughout. The journey of Steph's past personal relationship is now more sweet than bitter, considering it has lead her to exactly where she ended up today; happy, with her soulmate and heading towards a beautiful future ahead. Her love for her tortured ex, she will forever carried within, in a place that's left her more understanding compassionate and aware... were my takeaways.
The hopefulness of the happy ending /new beginning for her that the reader is left with, is felt deeply... because after reading and understanding her past, we too, have become more appreciative of being aware and in the moment, soaking it all in, when life is good.
Stellar read
I look forward to more!
🌹B
It was well written and put together in a way that covered such a beautiful array of emotional poignance, throughout. The journey of Steph's past personal relationship is now more sweet than bitter, considering it has lead her to exactly where she ended up today; happy, with her soulmate and heading towards a beautiful future ahead. Her love for her tortured ex, she will forever carried within, in a place that's left her more understanding compassionate and aware... were my takeaways.
The hopefulness of the happy ending /new beginning for her that the reader is left with, is felt deeply... because after reading and understanding her past, we too, have become more appreciative of being aware and in the moment, soaking it all in, when life is good.
Stellar read
I look forward to more!
🌹B
17th Jul 2023 4:10pm
Thank you so much for your comment. It means the world to me. I am sorry that i don't respond often. The words never come easy, and yet you are always supporting me, regardless.
I am forever in your debt.
I have exclusively written poetry for years and that came out of nowhere, but I am so glad that you liked it.
I am going to try very hard to read and comment on more people's work, yours being firat. Thank you for your patience and support.
I am forever in your debt.
I have exclusively written poetry for years and that came out of nowhere, but I am so glad that you liked it.
I am going to try very hard to read and comment on more people's work, yours being firat. Thank you for your patience and support.
2nd Nov 2023 12:34pm
Raw and breathtaking! Wow! Her ache, longing and every sensation become my own.
With every sentence, you took me deeper to a dance of two hearts getting undressed. I'm awed~
With every sentence, you took me deeper to a dance of two hearts getting undressed. I'm awed~
