Almost Hopeless

Most days I just want to die
I just want to freaking lay down and never wake up.Today is no different.
The preacher says,"dont lose hope"
I say hope was lost the day i dropped the 400 dollar poodle my mom had just bought on her head.
I was only 8, i came home from school and was excited for the new pup, i scooped her up in one arm playing a balancing act as my mom reached out to get the mail from my other hand, needless to say i dropped princess on the hard floor, her landing on her head. That was the first time my mom called me stupid, that was the first time i felt this urge to die. I hated me too...I dont think I ever recovered.