deepundergroundpoetry.com
HOW GLAD THEY MUST BE!
HOW GLAD THEY MUST BE!
I was enraptured by a song
sung by a chanter of years passed.
I thought about that who performed
if he'd fulfilled his task in life.
The song was praising serious love
that was of pure and sincere sense.
I felt elated by his words
that moved good feelings in my heart.
I felt so glad for this clean man
who sang something of useful aims.
He praised his Lord for His good world
and now, he should be well content.
How pleased are those who achieved what
was great and useful for mankind.
They lived so active useful years
and now, they're glad about past deeds.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
___________________________________
I was enraptured by a song
sung by a chanter of years passed.
I thought about that who performed
if he'd fulfilled his task in life.
The song was praising serious love
that was of pure and sincere sense.
I felt elated by his words
that moved good feelings in my heart.
I felt so glad for this clean man
who sang something of useful aims.
He praised his Lord for His good world
and now, he should be well content.
How pleased are those who achieved what
was great and useful for mankind.
They lived so active useful years
and now, they're glad about past deeds.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
___________________________________
Published 25th Apr 2023
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Another of your all-tell no-show pieces that's bogged down in limited, repetitive, and pedestrian vocabulary.
I thought.
I felt
I felt
so active
so glad
they're glad
praising
He praised
good feelings
good world
was great
and useful.
useful years
I thought.
I felt
I felt
so active
so glad
they're glad
praising
He praised
good feelings
good world
was great
and useful.
useful years
25th Apr 2023 7:23pm
Dear Baldwin,
There is big difference between you and me. You care about using an ornamented form to an extent that the whole idea becomes nonsense. I care about the idea and the form to an equal extent.
There is big difference between you and me. You care about using an ornamented form to an extent that the whole idea becomes nonsense. I care about the idea and the form to an equal extent.
25th Apr 2023 9:51pm
So do you deny that this submission of yours contains a limited and repetitious vocabulary whose lines are all-tell and no-show?
25th Apr 2023 10:17pm
I wrote:
So do you deny that this submission of yours contains a limited and repetitious vocabulary whose lines are all-tell and no-show?
You replied
"No, l don't."
Wow! How interesting to see that you do not deny, but affirm that this submission of yours contains a limited and repetitious vocabulary whose lines are all-tell and no-show, and therefore that it is hardly good poetry since these are the marks of poor poetic composition.
So do you deny that this submission of yours contains a limited and repetitious vocabulary whose lines are all-tell and no-show?
You replied
"No, l don't."
Wow! How interesting to see that you do not deny, but affirm that this submission of yours contains a limited and repetitious vocabulary whose lines are all-tell and no-show, and therefore that it is hardly good poetry since these are the marks of poor poetic composition.
26th Apr 2023 4:20pm
26th Apr 2023 5:54pm
"It's better not to answer you."
Why? Doubtless, it's because if you did -- and were honest -- you'd have to acknowledge that you didn't know how to use English well to say what you wanted to say or that you have admitted that your submission shows no poetic art.
Why? Doubtless, it's because if you did -- and were honest -- you'd have to acknowledge that you didn't know how to use English well to say what you wanted to say or that you have admitted that your submission shows no poetic art.
"You care about using an ornamented form to an extent that the whole idea becomes nonsense"
Please demonstrate the validity of this claim. Give examples of how the "forms" I use (which" forms" are they -- sonnet, ballad, haiku, villanelle, sestina, etc.?) are not only "ornamented" but ornamented to such a degree that the "idea" I'm writing about "becomes nonsense". Point out particular submissions of mine in which I have actually done this. You obviously have submissions of mine in mind. Otherwise, you'd have no basis for your claim. So name them and show how they are not only overly "ornamented" but also in such a way as to make the idea (the subject?) that they are speaking about unintelligible.
I note that If you do not demonstrate your claim, then you lay yourself open once again to the charge of being a liar.
Please demonstrate the validity of this claim. Give examples of how the "forms" I use (which" forms" are they -- sonnet, ballad, haiku, villanelle, sestina, etc.?) are not only "ornamented" but ornamented to such a degree that the "idea" I'm writing about "becomes nonsense". Point out particular submissions of mine in which I have actually done this. You obviously have submissions of mine in mind. Otherwise, you'd have no basis for your claim. So name them and show how they are not only overly "ornamented" but also in such a way as to make the idea (the subject?) that they are speaking about unintelligible.
I note that If you do not demonstrate your claim, then you lay yourself open once again to the charge of being a liar.
I've been looking at this senence
You care about using an ornamented form to an extent that the whole idea becomes nonsense
again, and the more I look at it, the more nonsensical it becomes.
If you meant to say that when I write, I "ornament" the lines required for a poem to be of a certain form I use to express something about an idea I want to deal with --say, how much losing a loved one love hurts -- with such detail that what I'm trying to express becomes nonsensical, you haven't done so. And you certainly haven't demonstrated that the phrasings I have employed in my submissions have. rendered my submissions nonsensical.
I'm not sure how the use of a fancy or an elaborate form makes an idea nonsensical. It's what one says and how one says it **within** that form to express an idea, not the form one uses, that makes what one is trying to express nonsense.
You care about using an ornamented form to an extent that the whole idea becomes nonsense
again, and the more I look at it, the more nonsensical it becomes.
If you meant to say that when I write, I "ornament" the lines required for a poem to be of a certain form I use to express something about an idea I want to deal with --say, how much losing a loved one love hurts -- with such detail that what I'm trying to express becomes nonsensical, you haven't done so. And you certainly haven't demonstrated that the phrasings I have employed in my submissions have. rendered my submissions nonsensical.
I'm not sure how the use of a fancy or an elaborate form makes an idea nonsensical. It's what one says and how one says it **within** that form to express an idea, not the form one uses, that makes what one is trying to express nonsense.
