deepundergroundpoetry.com
rain and life
Rain please stay i dont want you to go away i like it when you are
here because it gives me something to look at while i think. I
think about all the thing's ive done in my life all the good
things and the bad things. All the right choices i have made in my
life. Rain bring's me peace and calmness it is the only time that
i can be alone and think of ways i can fix all the mistakes i have
made in my life.
here because it gives me something to look at while i think. I
think about all the thing's ive done in my life all the good
things and the bad things. All the right choices i have made in my
life. Rain bring's me peace and calmness it is the only time that
i can be alone and think of ways i can fix all the mistakes i have
made in my life.
Published 12th Apr 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 0
reading list entries 0
comments 1
reads 676
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
This could use some better line breaks, and its capitalization, grammar and spelling could use a heavy cleanup. For example,
Rain, please stay,
I don't want you to go away.
I like it when you are here
because it gives me something
to look at while I think.
I think about all the things
I've done in my life,
all the good things
and the bad things.
All the right choices
I have made in my life.
Rain brings me peace and calmness.
It is the only time that
I can be alone
and think of ways
I can fix all the mistakes
I have made in my life.
See, the lines don't break up phrases, and there are three distinct thoughts in this piece which all have their own stanzas. Commas are where you'd have a little pause when speaking out loud, and periods at the end of thoughts. (Go ahead, read it out loud, see how that works.) The effect is to enhance your words, maximize their impact on the reader.
Rain, please stay,
I don't want you to go away.
I like it when you are here
because it gives me something
to look at while I think.
I think about all the things
I've done in my life,
all the good things
and the bad things.
All the right choices
I have made in my life.
Rain brings me peace and calmness.
It is the only time that
I can be alone
and think of ways
I can fix all the mistakes
I have made in my life.
See, the lines don't break up phrases, and there are three distinct thoughts in this piece which all have their own stanzas. Commas are where you'd have a little pause when speaking out loud, and periods at the end of thoughts. (Go ahead, read it out loud, see how that works.) The effect is to enhance your words, maximize their impact on the reader.
