The playground

I remember the playground
The worn down slide the
Burning blacktop ground the
Monkey bars

I never could swing quite like those
Smaller kids those
Happier kids

My dad says I feel emotion stronger than most my
Mother turns her back and hugs my
Brother says I should suck it up my
Brother says that I’m a bully my
Brother says that I am cruel I
Wonder exactly what it is I did to him

I was just a kid I
Think I was just a kid
The sky was brighter then
When his words bounced off
Unaware ears

I try to climb high like
The rock wall from the playground
Who was it who push me from the top again I
Wonder?
Was it you
Brother who hated me so?
or was that the steps of our childhood home I
don't remember the impact just
the fall

Memories slip like
loose dirt of the playground
Can’t remember much
Just what Father tells me just
What my arm tells me
Thin lines trail down my arm
Pain that feels so small in hindsight I
Wonder now
did I have to carve?

I fall now
Like from the slide of the playground like
From the monkey bars
Like from the rock wall
Knees bruised and scratched I
Wonder now
Would I be more equipped I
Wonder now
Could I have been different I
Wonder now
Was it you brother who foretold my fate?

Emotions rock back and forth
Like from the swings I coveted so
When will the swinging end I
Wonder if i would have swung from the rope I
Wonder why I haven’t died yet I
Wonder now
Do I deserve this borrowed time?

That small child I
Wonder now
Would they be satisfied with me now or
Would they cover their ears and scream?