just

i am grieving
i am sad
and i am in pain
for things that changed
and i don’t know why
for things happened
and i couldn’t stop them
things that were out of my control
and yet, i’m at fault
at least in my head
in my reality
it is totally my fault
i‘m the problem
why do i tell people what’s going on in my head?
why can‘t i just shut up?
i just ruin relationships
i just ruin people
while doubting i have the power to
ruin anyone - i’m just weak