I hate the sound of my breathing

I hate the sound of my breathing
In and out of half thoughts
Taking in the half lights
That attempt to
light up the room with half lies
That float around
fill me up and boom
Pounding in my head
An ache to fill my bed
Inhaling things never said
Decisions bred
From his love, her fog
I hate the sound of my voice
Around the room, a carousel
Shadows grabbing, taking hold
Attempting to
Steal emotions, run away with them
Make new friends and bury them
Then fill me up without amends
Slamming into my body
A need to feel somebody
Leaving bits and pieces of my head
Scattered around the room and bed
Decisions stolen
From my head
And the place from where he bled
I hate the sound of my thoughts
Swimming in the heat of that room
Taking up my lung space
Refusing to give back my grace
Instead taking over this place
Painting happy on this here face
Open my mouth, place inside
Directions on just how to hide
The parts of me it killed, that died
The day I hurt you, and couldn't cry
Because it took from me
And made me deny
The parts of you that needed me
Cared for me, and
Craved me
Left me broken but you couldn't see
Because what's been shattered
Is inside of me