I Ain't Toxic.

I was waiting at the Waffle House, waiting for my loose bowels to come on. Then came the sound of the farts. it wasn't your everyday run for the roses fart. This was a Pulitzer winner. How often does manure make the New York Times? However, Garth Brooks put out a cigarette on me. Right in my bald spot where I was growing hair.    
 
Horse apples have eyes and avoid oncoming backhoes and little green John Deere tractors. I am just a pile of shit, but some gawd damn fool, looking like Little Jimmy Dickens, stepped on me. The turd in me lost a lot of the steam, rolling off the best side of me. My granny saved my private pile.  
 
How many horseapples have to wear a sleep apnea mask? I get upset looking like a pterodactyl pile of shit.  
    
I have been tasered and abused. Now there are claims that I am toxic.