Concupiscible

I spoke to my therapist about you. And she said that this idea of a relationship was never going to happen. That you were playing whatever in your mind with me. That is a fantasy from the beginning.

That I represent a escape for you from whatever happening in your life. And now that you’ve experienced that and satisfied, I no longer serve a purpose for you. I told her I don’t believe that shit.

You’re the realist thing ever  in my life. You love me and I can’t explain your behavior and actions, but I still believe in you. I still love and want you, I want life together with you no matter the consequences and circumstances.

I believe this because you exist in my heart and mind. I’ve never been all consumed so much by someone so intensely.  I’ve dreamt about you at one point three days a week, last count for months.

 I still dream about you but I don’t keep count. Thoughts to dreams, dreams to hope, hope to manifesting reality. I do know my dreams we’re not living together, being loving or happy. My dreams are me perusing you.

You seeing me and ignoring me. It’s actually a reflection of my reality, the only exception is that you’re around me to interact. It’s a opportunity to try to love you. Attempting to have you and seeing you with me.

I’m tormented because you’re within my mind even subconsciously. I’ve never experienced this and I ask my therapist, how do you stop these thoughts? You may say time but there’s no answer outside of death and even then who can say.

My heart and soul won’t stop yearning for you. And you won’t communicate with me to even bring me peace. I’m just living in your rejection and dismissal. Yet I stay waiting for you, waiting forever within my heart, waiting for you