NEURO SOMATIC PERPLEXIA  (2:00am, 12-29-2016, Cathedral City ('COVE'), California)

2 a m
and here i sit
just 2 nights away
from new years eve
2016
slowly orbiting
this late nights
swollen vacuous
timeless depths
as if cryogenically
frozen
yet somehow still conscious
in some strange
limbo like
semi awakened
though still half asleep
hypnogogic  restless state
of transfixed
attentive being
reflectively meditating
upon and within
the ceaseless
high frequency
subtle inner song
of its ringing
singing
so called emptiness
for any similarly subtle
or not so subtle
insights gleaned subconsciously
or otherwise
any other way
theyll come
through my
weightless  teeterings
dissolved
unboundaried awareness
of my usually more stable
fluid equilibriums
still presently
off centered  uncertain
unboundaried sense
of both gravity
and clear form
which here in
this nocturnal
slippery pens
self reflective
fleeting moment
seems to be either
or both
missing
or completely gone away
from my own
lost still points
innermost voice
herein between the
diaphanous
dual  ecliptical shadows
of two parenthetical
horizonal cusps
of new years day
2017
and my turning 63
not too far long
after
its unyielding  relative crush
adding insult
to injury
through my old ways
of thinking such
though not so much
anymore
more neutrally adrift
here now
passively listening for
new questions
as much or more
a mystery
to me still
than any need
for answers ever were
or are
yet still
nothing comes to mind
nor arises for me
here  so far
other than this
moonlightless
free floating mote
pre thought glimpse
which only came
to me just now
from which
a nebulous sense
arose
of equally nebulous
wondering
wherein i only
faintly felt
something deeper
calling me
distant in my core
echoing up into
my semi conscious mind
as egos filter
quietly lapsed away
set free from
my open heart
and soul
some ancient  inner longing
to know
in my external being
and form
the collective sum
of whatever
i have come to
learn and know
thus far in my
lifes seemingly long
yet timeless journey
this time around
but the only thing
which came to me
here in my neutral
listening mind
was not a sufficient
answer
but only a relative
prenatal sense i felt
of something much larger
than my self
though not yet
fully formed
some deeper insight
still as yet unborn
from not enough light
to illumine
and trigger its flight
into clearer realization
but in which
all i could discern
from its shooting
star like
much too briefly
lingering tails trail
was this
which i can only
sum up and surmise
here now
in regards to
my life at all
so far
is that i seem
to at least
have reached
some level or degree
of zen like acceptance
and surprise
in the filtering
of its whole
even though its
still not even over
with just yet
is that it still
mostly only leaves me
equally still here
overall
both baffled by
the great  intangible mystery
the even greater
mere random chance
improbability
and the truly ineffable
not even necessary
answerless wonder
of it all
and simply in my
being here
spiritually aware
in a perpetually sustained
open state of constant
conscious awakened awe
of and at
my own inseparable
oneness
with it
all