fish bowl

My world is small
but I try to make it feel big

I do yoga
gardening
photography
write a blog
watch random documentaries
and spend way to much time
on social media

And I pretend
these things hold the weight
of my life
I pretend that my loneliness
isn't like drowning in slow motion
I pretend that the things
that make me smile
are contagious and that
someone
anyone
will take the time to give a shit
beyond the
"Oh that's nice" sentiment

And instead of asking
for your attention
and telling you how small I feel
I throw myself into things
that soothe the rage inside
and I pretend I'm not lonely
and I pretend that I matter more
than I feel I do

Because there is only so much
I can beg
before my pride gets the better of me
and you wonder why I slip into silence
and endless astronomy documentaries

Some days I wish
I was anywhere but here

© Indie Adams 2022