It wasn’t my time

Feeling lost, sad, hopeless, vulnerable
Depression ain’t nothing to play with    
Especially when you mix it with other emotions anxiety and stress      
My life was rough and far from the best      
but one day I had to sit down and digest…      
the feeling that I wasn’t a man who I should’ve been      
My life was spiraling out of control and that’s an understatement      
Then one day I realized I had gone too far,        
Put everything aside and went away in my car      
Stopped at the store picked up a few things      
And when It became dark  
I found myself sitting in a park        
My straight as an arrow life now had a bend      
Where my life went wrong I couldn’t begin      
So that night I decided my life would end      
I reached in the bag and pulled out a small bottle
I couldn’t take the pain and heartache anymore      
I felt my life going down a bottomless hill      
So I wrote a letter, popped the cap and swallowed every pill  
God had no control, this with my will      
But oh how I was so wrong  
He always has control     
I leaned back my seat and prepared to leave my physical form      
After I drifted in the darkness I heard this voice that said it’s not your time      
I refuse to accept you like this      
There are four beautiful reasons I need you to stay where you are. My son your mission is far from over      
I said naw man it’s too late      
I already decided my fate…        
and he said ha ha that’s what you think      
And I heard the names of my kids Breeana, Mahalynn, Meilani, Jaevin      
And by that time it was another day when…      
I looked up and saw a light but it wasn’t at the end of a tunnel..I was in a hospital room.      
Damn I can’t do nothing right. Even the suicide was a major fail        
But after some time I’ll was happy I got that L      
And although I knew my mind wasn’t well      
I knew I had to stay around for my kids. They needed me        
And I needed to learn to value and love myself      
And now many years later I move with purpose      
I may be a little timid but for the most part I put myself out there      
Whether it’s honing my pen skills        
make a smart business deals        
Helping my children reach success  
Or letting special lady know how I feel      
I’m still a work in progress and but I learned to keep that demon at bay        
I found my muse who’s words help me not go astray        
I wake up every morning felling blessed that God let me see another day      
I live life humbly grateful that my soul never got casted away