deepundergroundpoetry.com
YOUR FACE OR A BOOK?
YOUR FACE OR A BOOK?
I sit with you; l read your face,
and fold you in a deep embrace.
Your profound thoughts l can't neglect.
All my fulfillment you create.
You're always there when l need you.
You never let me down and out.
When one of your most daring views
escapes my mind, you never spout.
You unfold notions that repeat
to make the picture quite complete.
How great you are when you are near.
You are my loved one and my dear.
You never think of which place
I locate you among your friends.
You never want to be an ace
though you well know that you are grand.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
I sit with you; l read your face,
and fold you in a deep embrace.
Your profound thoughts l can't neglect.
All my fulfillment you create.
You're always there when l need you.
You never let me down and out.
When one of your most daring views
escapes my mind, you never spout.
You unfold notions that repeat
to make the picture quite complete.
How great you are when you are near.
You are my loved one and my dear.
You never think of which place
I locate you among your friends.
You never want to be an ace
though you well know that you are grand.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Published 14th Sep 2022
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
"You never let me down and out."
One can "let" a person down (i.e., ,"disappoint someone") but given what dictionaries say the meaning of " down and out" is, i.e.,
(of a person) without money, a job, or a place to live; destitute.
without any money, or means of support, or prospects;
destitute; penniless.
without physical strength or stamina; disabled; incapacitated.
too physically weakened by repeated defeats to qualify as a
competent professional boxer.
the only way that your rhyme-driven claim could be set out in proper English would be to say
you've never **left** me down and out.
So here's another indication that your grasp of English is not as firm as you have claimed it is and that using English incorrectly (or in ignorance of what the expressions you use actually mean) is justified if it allows you to get a rhyme.
And here:
"You unfold notions that repeat
to make the picture quite complete.
How great you are when you are near.
You are my loved one and my dear."
You once again employ deixis (what picture?) and, given your syntax, you imply that the person you speak of is not great when he/she is far away.
Anyway, leaving aside the questions of how you think the word "profound" is pronounced by native English speakers and whether notions can engage in repetition, I'd be grateful if you'd tell me how this piece does what you claim a writing has to do in order to be poetry, i.e., "[create] deep ideas inside us that move our feelings and emotions and make us say, "This is how man should be or shouldn't be""
One can "let" a person down (i.e., ,"disappoint someone") but given what dictionaries say the meaning of " down and out" is, i.e.,
(of a person) without money, a job, or a place to live; destitute.
without any money, or means of support, or prospects;
destitute; penniless.
without physical strength or stamina; disabled; incapacitated.
too physically weakened by repeated defeats to qualify as a
competent professional boxer.
the only way that your rhyme-driven claim could be set out in proper English would be to say
you've never **left** me down and out.
So here's another indication that your grasp of English is not as firm as you have claimed it is and that using English incorrectly (or in ignorance of what the expressions you use actually mean) is justified if it allows you to get a rhyme.
And here:
"You unfold notions that repeat
to make the picture quite complete.
How great you are when you are near.
You are my loved one and my dear."
You once again employ deixis (what picture?) and, given your syntax, you imply that the person you speak of is not great when he/she is far away.
Anyway, leaving aside the questions of how you think the word "profound" is pronounced by native English speakers and whether notions can engage in repetition, I'd be grateful if you'd tell me how this piece does what you claim a writing has to do in order to be poetry, i.e., "[create] deep ideas inside us that move our feelings and emotions and make us say, "This is how man should be or shouldn't be""
Down and out: according to Google: they have no job and nowhere to live, no real hope of improving their position
2- Read the last line of the first stanza and you find that your claim about DOWN AND OUT is out of place and worth nothing.
2- Read the last line of the first stanza and you find that your claim about DOWN AND OUT is out of place and worth nothing.
16th Sep 2022 2:32pm
What deep ideas inside us that move our feelings and emotions and make us say, "This is how man should be or shouldn't be" does this piece create?
Even if this piece were set out in something other than the prosaic and rhymed determined language it is set out in, saying that you think someone is grand and is good for you is hardly a deep idea, let alone one that moves our feelings and emotions to say "this is how **mankind** should be".
Even if this piece were set out in something other than the prosaic and rhymed determined language it is set out in, saying that you think someone is grand and is good for you is hardly a deep idea, let alone one that moves our feelings and emotions to say "this is how **mankind** should be".
"Down and out: according to Google: they have no job and nowhere to live, no real hope of improving their position"
This is what I already noted that a variety of dictionaries say.
"2- Read the last line of the first stanza and you [sic you will] find that your claim about DOWN AND OUT is out of place and worth nothing.J"
The issue isn't whether that line provides the interpretative key for understanding your assertion, but whether "you have never let me "down and out"" is good English. What evidence do you have that supports the claim that a native English speaker would find it, rather than "you have never **left** me "down and out" ", the proper way to say that someone has never permitted you when you were destitute to remain in that state?
Moreover, if what you think you were saying is that "you have never let me **become** "down and out", you haven't expressed that idea correctly.
In any case, thanks for pretending that I never made the other criticism that you've run away from addressing.
This is what I already noted that a variety of dictionaries say.
"2- Read the last line of the first stanza and you [sic you will] find that your claim about DOWN AND OUT is out of place and worth nothing.J"
The issue isn't whether that line provides the interpretative key for understanding your assertion, but whether "you have never let me "down and out"" is good English. What evidence do you have that supports the claim that a native English speaker would find it, rather than "you have never **left** me "down and out" ", the proper way to say that someone has never permitted you when you were destitute to remain in that state?
Moreover, if what you think you were saying is that "you have never let me **become** "down and out", you haven't expressed that idea correctly.
In any case, thanks for pretending that I never made the other criticism that you've run away from addressing.
Shouldn't the title of this piece be "Your Face is Like a Book"? You never get around to making a, or describing the, contrast between the face of the person you speak about and a book as your present title indicates you are going to do.
And I ask again that you tell me what deep ideas inside us that move our feelings and emotions and make us say, "This is how man should be or shouldn't be" does this piece create?
And I ask again that you tell me what deep ideas inside us that move our feelings and emotions and make us say, "This is how man should be or shouldn't be" does this piece create?
24th Sep 2022 2:32pm
Thank you very much, Boyana, for adding my poem to your reading list. This will give me great encouragement, indeed.
24th Sep 2022 4:14pm
I ask again that you tell me what deep ideas inside us that move our feelings and emotions and make us say, "This is how 'man' should be or shouldn't be" does this piece create?
