My Mental

What's wrong with me
why do these thoughts fill my head
My outlook is bleak
my thoughts filled with dread
On the outside
I seem fine
but truth be told
I haven't been for quite some time
I fake it till I make it
I force a smile
If I seem happy
maybe people will leave me alone for a while
I don't fit in
always feel alone
I always have a house
but never a home
Voices taunt me
secret conversations in my head
They tell me I'm worthless
and better off dead
I push these thoughts away
I hide them way down deep
I feel like a prisoner in my own mind
whose secrets I'm forced to keep
I feel wound too tight
like a guitar string ready to break
Will it ever end
I don't know how much more I can take
I've lost so many
yet I don't grieve
I would turn to God
but I no longer believe
I do the best I can
and try to sleep these days away
Refuse to talk to anyone
afraid of what they might say
They'd call me crazy
and label me insane
In here I'm just a number
They don't even know my name
What's next
where do I go from here
How do I get better
when I'm consumed with fear
I do as I'm told
and pop another pill
I'm waiting on a miracle
hoping it will change how I feel
Everyday is a struggle
but I push through
I wonder how others would see me
if they only knew
This is my story
my battle with mental illness
Up until now
I was my only witness