Darkest Secret

People say laughter is the best medicine...
 
But I rather play with my demons, so I let them in...
 
Just settle in...
 
Cause it's time to play ball no letterman..
 
My closet is too small, so I keep my skeletons in the attic..
 
They come to play when my thoughts become erratic..
 
They fill my mind with static...
 
Causing unbearable panic...
 
Causing me to go manic..
 
Thoughts become irrational...
 
Can't differentiate fictional and factual..
 
Encounters are no longer casual..
 
So what will laughter do..
 
For the constant fear that someone is after you..
 
I no longer know what laughter is like...
 
My thoughts consist of the afterlife..
 
Wondering if it will only work with half the knife..
 
Hoping that I can fit in the casket right..
 
So please tell me what laughter is like..
 
I want to live life vicariously through you cause I don't feel safe in my own skin..
 
So I hone in..
 
Wondering why my mind is so broken..
 
Go to sleep every night hoping..
 
That these eyes close and never reopen...
 
Cause to end this feeling there are only a few options..
 
Slit my wrist, hang myself, or drink some sort of concoction..
 
Thoughts going back and forth like my mind is boxing…
 
Just wish there was a cure for this feeling…
 
This is the side of me I always kept concealing..
 
Maybe the cure is for me to just speak it…
 
I have a mental disorder now you know my darkest secret...