Memories (i)

Today is the day I lost you,
Minus ten years I started losing myself
And dedicated to a loss I wish I could speak of.
Memories fade but I still remember
The time and what you last said.
“Where are you going?”, but where did you go?
You were right there then you were.
I remember breaking down at school
Just glued on, to “it's my fault you got sick”.
 You left, and I tried to keep it cool,
But sad thoughts caught up along the way,
I looked for possibility of you coming back,
But instead I discovered guilt lasting a decade.
Today feels like a parade memorial to fading scars.
I‘m so desensitized to pain I could escape, but how can I?
When these are memories l remember you by ,
It's true that even sad people have happy moments.
"that's my boy", was the best feeling I remember
For once I made you proud, Now it's just failures,
Just a lost cause to a future I don't know.
I wish you and I could feel proud again somehow,
Somewhere, I hope in the end we will be.