I'm drunk,need help , won't ask , don't tell

I can't help but feel pain
This life I chose is too deranged
Confusion with the illusion
Of being so tired and abused man
I keep the feelings on my side
Try to hide but it don't feel right
Fight the pain and affliction
Tried to stand but down iv been stricken
The wicked pain I felt the Shame
As I tire I tried to rearrange
The strange feeling when I turned the page
But the books in a flaming rage ,
I burnt this time trapped in a cage
Fuck this shit I'll be asstranged
As I cry in this night of Shame
I'm drained ....