deepundergroundpoetry.com
Dance Love ❤
She loved to dance like the wild flowers blowing in the field, free and without reservations or fear.
Let her cover the cracks and crevices with green ivy instead of tears.
Bloom bloom little buttercup, spill like the fragrance bottle on the antique dresser, soaking into the fine oak, be a reminder to her when she sits at its mirror to try to make old and tired beautiful and new again.
Lace thigh highs, black dancing shoes with the golden buckle. Pin up curls that will be unbridled like her laughter by the nights end.
Silk bra straps getting pushed back on her shoulders with every twirl and dip.
Dance time...dance, then keep her memory under lock and key and remind her when she is intimidated by her shoes one day.
Let her cover the cracks and crevices with green ivy instead of tears.
Bloom bloom little buttercup, spill like the fragrance bottle on the antique dresser, soaking into the fine oak, be a reminder to her when she sits at its mirror to try to make old and tired beautiful and new again.
Lace thigh highs, black dancing shoes with the golden buckle. Pin up curls that will be unbridled like her laughter by the nights end.
Silk bra straps getting pushed back on her shoulders with every twirl and dip.
Dance time...dance, then keep her memory under lock and key and remind her when she is intimidated by her shoes one day.
Published 22nd Jun 2022
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
23rd Jun 2022 00:21am
I love the freedom in this piece. I LOVE the delight in rediscovering you, and dancing right where you are, as who you are. Beautiful.
Have you thought about playing around with the structure a little? Just breaking the lines into stanzas to chunk the reading and provide a mental flow down the journey? Maybe try breaking it by your subject/noun/verb schema? And make really punchy visual or emotional lines a separate entity for creative infection...
(AS ALWAYS, any suggestions should be thrown out the window if they don't align with your goals.)
She loved to
dance
like the wild flowers
blowing in the field,
free and without reservations
or fear.
Let her cover the
cracks and crevices
with green ivy instead of tears. (THIS IS SOOO GOOD!)
Bloom bloom little buttercup,
spill like the fragrance bottle
on the antique dresser,
soaking into the fine oak,
be a reminder to her
when she sits at its mirror
to try to make old and tired
beautiful
and new again.
Lace thigh highs,
black dancing shoes
with the golden buckle.
Pin up curls that will be
unbridled
like her laughter
by the nights end.
Silk bra straps
getting pushed back
on her shoulders
with every twirl and dip.
Dance time...
dance,
then keep her memory
under lock and key
and remind her
when she is
intimidated
by her shoes one day.
Just a structure suggestion. Otherwise .... YAS QUEEN! Never stop dancing. I love the visuals in this. You did a great job!
Have you thought about playing around with the structure a little? Just breaking the lines into stanzas to chunk the reading and provide a mental flow down the journey? Maybe try breaking it by your subject/noun/verb schema? And make really punchy visual or emotional lines a separate entity for creative infection...
(AS ALWAYS, any suggestions should be thrown out the window if they don't align with your goals.)
She loved to
dance
like the wild flowers
blowing in the field,
free and without reservations
or fear.
Let her cover the
cracks and crevices
with green ivy instead of tears. (THIS IS SOOO GOOD!)
Bloom bloom little buttercup,
spill like the fragrance bottle
on the antique dresser,
soaking into the fine oak,
be a reminder to her
when she sits at its mirror
to try to make old and tired
beautiful
and new again.
Lace thigh highs,
black dancing shoes
with the golden buckle.
Pin up curls that will be
unbridled
like her laughter
by the nights end.
Silk bra straps
getting pushed back
on her shoulders
with every twirl and dip.
Dance time...
dance,
then keep her memory
under lock and key
and remind her
when she is
intimidated
by her shoes one day.
Just a structure suggestion. Otherwise .... YAS QUEEN! Never stop dancing. I love the visuals in this. You did a great job!
23rd Jun 2022 3:32am
Thank you so much for the corrections, I'm not good at structure, I just spill 😂
You're free to take anything and make it better, again thank you for such kind words friend! I tend to write from where my hearts visiting at the moment, so I'm not good with rendering it to be better, so by all means...always feel free, you did a lovely job ❤
You're free to take anything and make it better, again thank you for such kind words friend! I tend to write from where my hearts visiting at the moment, so I'm not good with rendering it to be better, so by all means...always feel free, you did a lovely job ❤
24th Jun 2022 11:17am
What a beautiful poem! The ending is spectacular. I can relate, as I have a cognitive dysfunction that causes me to have memory problems.
The restructuring of your poem is spot on, I agree with Betty.
Excellent piece.
The restructuring of your poem is spot on, I agree with Betty.
Excellent piece.
2nd Jul 2022 3:12pm
