Sun blind

I meant to be beautiful for you today,
meant to drip
smooth silken images
across your tongue,
like craft rum  
from distant islands
 
I meant to seduce you
in black thigh-high boots
and a don’t-fuck-with me mouth
that went to work on you
the moment you stepped
in the room
 
I wanted to be that badass
bitch in white underthings
slapping your face with one hand
giving you a handjob under the
table with the other.
 
But I’m off.
Just off.
Part of it’s the endless  
vacation hangover,
and part of it is the total immersion in you
that’s left me devoid of sense,
 
Because the more you’re in me
the less I intentionally
want,
and the more I simplistically ache for
a ray of sun to fall across my calf
so that I remember
how to feel,
how to breathe,
how to see
 
And I can’t seem to do  
those things without you  
anymore.  
 
I would have been beautiful for you today, darling
but I’ve been left  
sunblind  
by your heat
and I can’t see myself
in the mirror  
 anymore

without your
afterimage  
behind me,
 
pulling my hair back
 
whispering...
watch