EMPTICATE

EMPTICATE
Empty + Vindicate
v. to give someone something they wanted after they stopped wanting it

Why did you do that to me?
Empticate to placate me
I struggled for so many months
Trying to dig up and around your wants
I’d ask you everyday
Are you ok?
And everyday
You’d say no
No matter what I did
Notes I left, treats I hid
The best pieces of you were always missing
A word? A phrase? A sigh? A thing?
I never found it anywhere
Nowhere was it lingering
And so I pulled away
Made myself unavailable
Hoping maybe you would see
That I was trying to just help you up
Even though you kept yourself down
You wouldn’t take my hand
You wouldn’t step onto steady land
I tried to do just what you said
In the car, at home or in the bed
Again, you were so far away
Not allowing me to help you where you lay
Only wanting just one moment
Where you felt nothing
No pain, no fear and no lament
I drew back further
Not knowing what you needed
Only knowing it wasn’t what I needed
And now
Now you are offering out your hand
After I’ve gone and jumped off dry land
Drowned in a sea I made myself
With my feelings bottled up, on the shelf
Muddied from the dirt where I knelt
Curled up and put away
In a place where
I can feel myself
melt