deepundergroundpoetry.com
Just kiss me
Just kiss me
before the moment
is lost
before there are
no other words
left to speak
Just kiss me
before the
sun sets
and the
moon rises
again
Just kiss me
so I can
taste your lips
one last time
so I can
fall in love
just to feel
that feeling
inside
Just kiss me
before we both
say goodbye
to carry on
with our own
separate lives
Just kiss me
before there
are no more
moments
before the moment
is lost
before there are
no other words
left to speak
Just kiss me
before the
sun sets
and the
moon rises
again
Just kiss me
so I can
taste your lips
one last time
so I can
fall in love
just to feel
that feeling
inside
Just kiss me
before we both
say goodbye
to carry on
with our own
separate lives
Just kiss me
before there
are no more
moments
Published 17th Mar 2012
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comments 3
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
17th Mar 2012 3:12am
17th Mar 2012 2:20pm
2nd May 2014 5:09pm
This is a good piece,a little airy and a little sad at the same time.
I suggest deleting (or replacing) the word "separate", you don't need it (the word "own" hints at the meaning for you) and it has too many syllables, it ruins the beautiful flow you have going.
I've read the ending several times now and I go back and forth from liking it to disliking it...it leaves the question 'moments for what?' But then, I think the ambiguity is part of what I like about it the next time I read it, so I'm not sure what to recommend there...
Other than that, nice work!
I suggest deleting (or replacing) the word "separate", you don't need it (the word "own" hints at the meaning for you) and it has too many syllables, it ruins the beautiful flow you have going.
I've read the ending several times now and I go back and forth from liking it to disliking it...it leaves the question 'moments for what?' But then, I think the ambiguity is part of what I like about it the next time I read it, so I'm not sure what to recommend there...
Other than that, nice work!
