deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Angle of Incidence
The Angle of Incidence
An experience,
However
Temporarily
Escaping
The daily
Run
Of the mill
Routine,
May
Feel
Well
Worth it
If the angle
Of incidence
Covers
The gap
Between
The unnumbed
Reality
Of stark living
And that
Pounding
Sense
Of mindless
Security
That
Comes
In the wake
Of turning
Off
The accountability
For the life
Someone
Seems
To have made
For themselves.
An experience,
However
Temporarily
Escaping
The daily
Run
Of the mill
Routine,
May
Feel
Well
Worth it
If the angle
Of incidence
Covers
The gap
Between
The unnumbed
Reality
Of stark living
And that
Pounding
Sense
Of mindless
Security
That
Comes
In the wake
Of turning
Off
The accountability
For the life
Someone
Seems
To have made
For themselves.
Published 3rd May 2022
Author's Note
Appearances in the daylight don't mean much at the bottom of the bottle at 3 AM. Selling yourself out to appease the expectations of hypocrites is an endless cycle of self-worthlessness. Addictions do that. We all have them.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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4th May 2022 5:18am
We do all the have our own versions of addiction, that have molded us for good or ill, making us who are because of or in spite of... It's an often precarious path to identify and to take on the lifelong process of healing and recovery..... It's an 'always' battle... It's getting to the space of knowing how to use whatever tools work for you and maintaining a happy, even (well, close to ) keel.... Your words and deep meaningful knowledge leave me hopeful that you or whatever /whoever your inspiration might have been, can make those tough decisions that allow them to start on a much needed healthier path....
Thanks for the share, RT
🌹 B
Thanks for the share, RT
🌹 B
4th May 2022 6:07am
That is my hope as well.
It's not a good idea to have expectations though. People are human. And humans are messy.
I think the best we can do is change ourselves.
It's not a good idea to have expectations though. People are human. And humans are messy.
I think the best we can do is change ourselves.
4th May 2022 6:26am
As was my convoluted way of saying so.... Yes, we're all on our own journey, true... I also agree that placing expectations is definitely a slippery slope ... I was only trying to remain hopeful ... I know caring about someone who struggles with addiction is truly harsh, in ways that aren't always clear...
4th May 2022 10:15am
Being human is hard work.
I started going to AA to help encourage my friend. The people there were working, sleeves rolled up, to carve some autonomy into their lives, because rule number one was admitting powerlessness over their demons.
After a few weeks, I asserted myself into an Al Anon meeting, and began what I thought was my learning how to cope and encourage.
What an eye opener! It only took a handful of meetings and my own pathway unfolded, as it was revealed to me my own addiction to a point of self-righteousness in that I had been addicted to the self-appointed position of changing my friend, who was clearly out of control. And I was as out of control as they were. Wake up call.
I had become co-dependently enmeshed in the addiction cycle. And everything ended the same way. I had no control either.
And my frustration led me to blaming, shaming, acting out...excusing my co-dependency. I was blinded to how much of my life I had given to this reactive cycle.
I was my own problem. I needed to stop focusing on them. Not my circus, not my monkey. People have the right to follow their own star.
My job was my own well-being. And that took me through the 5 steps of grief. And accepting that put the accountability for my own happiness squarely on my shoulders, not after I had inaugurated change in my friend, but in the here and now.
Talk about having to get off my own high horse. My friend had already faced a world of problems let alone having to survive having an uppity friend who wanted to change them.
What a different point of view, a total change of perspective. Instead of my feeling 98% abandoned and only let in 2% of the time, I became free 98% of the time to meet my own needs and appreciate my own life. Instead of my judging during our allotted 2%, this became our open free time to be emotionally available. This flipped my point of view entirely.
I was given such a small window of access; why waste it being unacceptingly?
I started working out again, getting healthier, working in the yard, and growing more flowers. I improved my life. I got more life energy back.
My friend continued their cycle, and did better as I became a safer person to be around, non-reactive or judgemental. They had their own rights. I was accountable for just me.
Now, we get along better. I'm not a bitter pill. I'm happier. I'm not trying to change anyone but myself.
I'm a recovering judgemental snob. It's amazing how much time and enrrgy and resources I had devoted to my own addiction. I wasted a lot of time just being frustrated and bitter and self-righteous.
I am powerless over other people's addictions. It's a hard fact. 11 more steps, repeat daily, hourly, minutely... one day at a time.
It's amazing how much more poetry I can write, how many more flowers I can grow, and how many hours I get back when I mind my own business and just be a good friend.
Kicking the habit is ongoing work. I took a vacation, and I let it all go. Relaxing my death grip is hard work. Managing my own life is a full time job.
I started going to AA to help encourage my friend. The people there were working, sleeves rolled up, to carve some autonomy into their lives, because rule number one was admitting powerlessness over their demons.
After a few weeks, I asserted myself into an Al Anon meeting, and began what I thought was my learning how to cope and encourage.
What an eye opener! It only took a handful of meetings and my own pathway unfolded, as it was revealed to me my own addiction to a point of self-righteousness in that I had been addicted to the self-appointed position of changing my friend, who was clearly out of control. And I was as out of control as they were. Wake up call.
I had become co-dependently enmeshed in the addiction cycle. And everything ended the same way. I had no control either.
And my frustration led me to blaming, shaming, acting out...excusing my co-dependency. I was blinded to how much of my life I had given to this reactive cycle.
I was my own problem. I needed to stop focusing on them. Not my circus, not my monkey. People have the right to follow their own star.
My job was my own well-being. And that took me through the 5 steps of grief. And accepting that put the accountability for my own happiness squarely on my shoulders, not after I had inaugurated change in my friend, but in the here and now.
Talk about having to get off my own high horse. My friend had already faced a world of problems let alone having to survive having an uppity friend who wanted to change them.
What a different point of view, a total change of perspective. Instead of my feeling 98% abandoned and only let in 2% of the time, I became free 98% of the time to meet my own needs and appreciate my own life. Instead of my judging during our allotted 2%, this became our open free time to be emotionally available. This flipped my point of view entirely.
I was given such a small window of access; why waste it being unacceptingly?
I started working out again, getting healthier, working in the yard, and growing more flowers. I improved my life. I got more life energy back.
My friend continued their cycle, and did better as I became a safer person to be around, non-reactive or judgemental. They had their own rights. I was accountable for just me.
Now, we get along better. I'm not a bitter pill. I'm happier. I'm not trying to change anyone but myself.
I'm a recovering judgemental snob. It's amazing how much time and enrrgy and resources I had devoted to my own addiction. I wasted a lot of time just being frustrated and bitter and self-righteous.
I am powerless over other people's addictions. It's a hard fact. 11 more steps, repeat daily, hourly, minutely... one day at a time.
It's amazing how much more poetry I can write, how many more flowers I can grow, and how many hours I get back when I mind my own business and just be a good friend.
Kicking the habit is ongoing work. I took a vacation, and I let it all go. Relaxing my death grip is hard work. Managing my own life is a full time job.
4th May 2022 10:40am
Being human is hard work.
I started going to AA to help encourage my friend. The people there were working, sleeves rolled up, to carve some autonomy into their lives, because rule number one was admitting powerlessness over their demons.
After a few weeks, I asserted myself into an Al Anon meeting, and began what I thought was my learning how to cope and encourage.
What an eye opener! It only took a handful of meetings and my own pathway unfolded, as it was revealed to me my own addiction to a point of self-righteousness in that I had been addicted to the self-appointed position of changing my friend, who was clearly out of control. And I was as out of control as they were. Wake up call.
I had become co-dependently enmeshed in the addiction cycle. And everything ended the same way. I had no control either.
And my frustration led me to blaming, shaming, acting out...excusing my co-dependency. I was blinded to how much of my life I had given to this reactive cycle.
I was my own problem. I needed to stop focusing on them. Not my circus, not my monkey. People have the right to follow their own star.
My job was my own well-being. And that took me through the 5 steps of grief. And accepting that put the accountability for my own happiness squarely on my shoulders, not after I had inaugurated change in my friend, but in the here and now.
Talk about having to get off my own high horse. My friend had already faced a world of problems let alone having to survive having an uppity friend who wanted to change them.
What a different point of view, a total change of perspective. Instead of my feeling 98% abandoned and only let in 2% of the time, I became free 98% of the time to meet my own needs and appreciate my own life. Instead of my judging during our allotted 2%, this became our open free time to be emotionally available. This flipped my point of view entirely.
I was given such a small window of access; why waste it being unacceptingly?
I started working out again, getting healthier, working in the yard, and growing more flowers. I improved my life. I got more life energy back.
My friend continued their cycle, and did better as I became a safer person to be around, non-reactive or judgemental. They had their own rights. I was accountable for just me.
Now, we get along better. I'm not a bitter pill. I'm happier. I'm not trying to change anyone but myself.
I'm a recovering judgemental snob. It's amazing how much time and enrrgy and resources I had devoted to my own addiction. I wasted a lot of time just being frustrated and bitter and self-righteous.
I am powerless over other people's addictions. It's a hard fact. 11 more steps, repeat daily, hourly, minutely... one day at a time.
It's amazing how much more poetry I can write, how many more flowers I can grow, and how many hours I get back when I mind my own business and just be a good friend.
Kicking the habit is ongoing work. I took a vacation, and I let it all go. Relaxing my death grip is hard work. Managing my own life is a full time job.
I started going to AA to help encourage my friend. The people there were working, sleeves rolled up, to carve some autonomy into their lives, because rule number one was admitting powerlessness over their demons.
After a few weeks, I asserted myself into an Al Anon meeting, and began what I thought was my learning how to cope and encourage.
What an eye opener! It only took a handful of meetings and my own pathway unfolded, as it was revealed to me my own addiction to a point of self-righteousness in that I had been addicted to the self-appointed position of changing my friend, who was clearly out of control. And I was as out of control as they were. Wake up call.
I had become co-dependently enmeshed in the addiction cycle. And everything ended the same way. I had no control either.
And my frustration led me to blaming, shaming, acting out...excusing my co-dependency. I was blinded to how much of my life I had given to this reactive cycle.
I was my own problem. I needed to stop focusing on them. Not my circus, not my monkey. People have the right to follow their own star.
My job was my own well-being. And that took me through the 5 steps of grief. And accepting that put the accountability for my own happiness squarely on my shoulders, not after I had inaugurated change in my friend, but in the here and now.
Talk about having to get off my own high horse. My friend had already faced a world of problems let alone having to survive having an uppity friend who wanted to change them.
What a different point of view, a total change of perspective. Instead of my feeling 98% abandoned and only let in 2% of the time, I became free 98% of the time to meet my own needs and appreciate my own life. Instead of my judging during our allotted 2%, this became our open free time to be emotionally available. This flipped my point of view entirely.
I was given such a small window of access; why waste it being unacceptingly?
I started working out again, getting healthier, working in the yard, and growing more flowers. I improved my life. I got more life energy back.
My friend continued their cycle, and did better as I became a safer person to be around, non-reactive or judgemental. They had their own rights. I was accountable for just me.
Now, we get along better. I'm not a bitter pill. I'm happier. I'm not trying to change anyone but myself.
I'm a recovering judgemental snob. It's amazing how much time and enrrgy and resources I had devoted to my own addiction. I wasted a lot of time just being frustrated and bitter and self-righteous.
I am powerless over other people's addictions. It's a hard fact. 11 more steps, repeat daily, hourly, minutely... one day at a time.
It's amazing how much more poetry I can write, how many more flowers I can grow, and how many hours I get back when I mind my own business and just be a good friend.
Kicking the habit is ongoing work. I took a vacation, and I let it all go. Relaxing my death grip is hard work. Managing my own life is a full time job.
