I was...

I was 17 when he came at me
Shoved inside and stole from me
I forgot to eat, forgot to sleep
Most of all forgot to weep

I was 18 when my sister cried
Our mom had left us in the night
Left a note, left us no lifeboat
Most of all, left us with lumps in our throats

I was 19 when the car hit her
Took her away and I screamed and cried for her
I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t talk
Most of all I was just stood in shock

I was 20 when I stole the pills
For the first time I found relief and still
I took more, I took too many
Most of the bottle until my dad found out

Somewhere in there I started to cut
Attack and scar and silently shut
Out the world out my dad
Most of all I shut out myself

And stole more pills

I was…time was lost along the way
The sun melted into the bay
Nothing mattered, it never would
Unless I could have, just one more pill