deepundergroundpoetry.com
For you
I am afraid of going on
Responsibility weighs heavily
Thinking over and over
Of the damage that could be done
If I fail
If the team fails
But there's no choice but to go on
Because some years ago you didn't give up on me
Now you are not with us anymore
But this legacy
Lives on
Even though I don't see what worth I would have left if I failed
You saw that worth in me
Unconditionally
That's why I must continue on my way
Seek help from outside
To see
That aside from my commercial worth
There is intrinsic worth to me
I am worthy of this life
Even if I fail
I want to believe it
I want to believe it so badly
It is for me that I go on
It is for those that trust me
It is for those that love me
It is for the one that loved me most
It is for you
Responsibility weighs heavily
Thinking over and over
Of the damage that could be done
If I fail
If the team fails
But there's no choice but to go on
Because some years ago you didn't give up on me
Now you are not with us anymore
But this legacy
Lives on
Even though I don't see what worth I would have left if I failed
You saw that worth in me
Unconditionally
That's why I must continue on my way
Seek help from outside
To see
That aside from my commercial worth
There is intrinsic worth to me
I am worthy of this life
Even if I fail
I want to believe it
I want to believe it so badly
It is for me that I go on
It is for those that trust me
It is for those that love me
It is for the one that loved me most
It is for you
Published 15th Apr 2022
Author's Note
Whenever it seems like there is something major wrong with the product I'm helping develop I fall into a cycle of anxiety and fear, thinking about the issue obsessively, loosing sleep. It feels like my entire self-worth is tied to my work. It is better right now, but this can't go on. So I'm going to seek professional help, starting today. I hope I can go on a journey to change my relationship to work and discover a new sense of self-worth.
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15th Apr 2022 4:20pm
I relate so much to the crippling effects of anxiety. I still struggle a lot with it but years ago I hit the worst low of my life and along with helpful counseling I was able to find meds that kept it more in check. I only wish I’d gotten that help as a teen. I’m glad you’re getting help and hope it proves as productive as it did for me. I should add that I’ve not had as much success in a search for effective counseling more recently so I hope you meet with more success there. I KNOW there are good ones available bc I’ve had a couple in the past but it’s been discouraging lately. I love the honesty in this piece. Best wishes in your self-actualization. ☺️
17th Apr 2022 7:45pm
