How do I

How can I tell you when you don’t even listen. How can I describe when you can’t even vision. I am only human and I feel like you forget. I’m not able to continue what makes me feel like I’ll regret. I can’t explain my side without you getting upset. My feelings get trumped by your better hand. Yet your better hand is always present in my losing land. I never believed in something to last forever. For forever is a long time and I’m ok with what’s usually severed. But me and you are no longer able to obviously cope. Blame it on me or blame it on the dope. One day you’ll have to accept what’s yours to carry. For I’ve carried the cross and these burdens have buried. The games I describe are according to you all in my head. The games you describe are always above my head. As if your attempting to tell me I can’t understand. And then letting me know what you intended to say later must of been lost but now found. And I can only describe what’s in my head but you always tell me I’m tripping and what you said now isn’t what you said. I’m not sure why or what I’m even fighting For. I don’t understand what there is when I feel like there’s nothing more. Your anger and frustrations are never from me. Yet you line them up and dump them and retreat. You blame me for  your bad decisions and I have put up with it for too long. You disrespect me just to make yourself feel like you belong. As if my life was meant for you to dump all your shit on. You understand me and therefor you think you own me. But for too long now you have shown me. Ungrateful for who I am and still trying to throw me down. Whenever your feelings are involved mine just get dissolved. Making me feel sorry for you is your way of manipulating me. Yet you forget what I’ve always said snd that’s a shame. For you can only throw rocks at windows for so long until you break the pane. And I’m expected to believe everything you say. But you still question what I say and make me pay. I’m not sure what you expect me to do. I’m not able to stop loving you. But I’m also not willing to keep entertaining you. I’ve tried for years to get you ready. For the day is soon coming and I hope your strong cause it’s gonna get heavy. I’m out of breath and out of hope.  I can no longer continue to hold my end of the rope. I believe everything happens for a reason. I just don’t know if I believe that the reasons are not deceiving. I can’t imagine my life without you. But I can’t continue when I’m feeling like I do. All I ever asked for was a few simple things. I did my best and now I’m opening my wings. Must I fly away. Must I decide that this is the day. I guess I do for you can’t walk away. And all you offer is more of the same. Because you say your innocent of ever fucking me over. And I should just accept it and the past I should record over. I’m not happy snd I can see that your not.  you wonder why it’s hard for me to accept what I know is not. Your not saddened my the fact that I’m deciding it’s time to leave. Your angry and your hurtful and to me that’s reinforcing what I already believe. And do I ask myself again how do I. For my pain is now greater than my love but it’s not a failure of mine for I tried. Lessons of life are something I cherish. Whether they hurt or feel good it all holds merit. I’m standing on my feet because I’m tired of laying down like the concrete. I hope your able one day to understand that ten years of mine were never wasted. For my ten years with you were my favorite ten years I tasted. I’m not bitter and I’m not mad. I’m a little glad but mostly sad for if I don’t decide to do what I need to. You’ll always feel how you do and you shouldn’t have to. If your happiness was as important to you as it is to me. You would be saying thank you instead of fuck you. Tell your heart what you tell mine just be a little more kind. Cause mine is soft but hardened unlike yours. And you to me are one of my favorite cuts in this world of healing sores. How do I move on and How do I stay hopeful. I don’t know yet but I’ll either find it or Ill succumb to. Death is not always a passing on scenario. For many life’s can be had like the songs on a radio. The music keeps playing on and on. Life’s just a reason like missing you will always be needed. I love you more than words can explain. I don’t expect you to get it now just hope one day you will see what I’m saying. If not I guess I’m the fool for what I thought I had with you was obviously so untrue. Either way you know who I am. And I’m great full for that and I hope you understand.