claustrophobic

I tell people I’m claustrophobic
that the feeling of being confined terrifies me
but it is not physical confinement I’m scared of
it is the fear that I am stuck here
in this place
in this time
that I will never go anywhere new
that I’ll never do anything else
that I’ll never have any more experiences than what I’ve already had
i’m terrified that this will be my forever
that I’ll wake up in 30 years and realize I never left
I’m sure there’s a better word for my fear
but I tell people I’m claustrophobic
I tell them that’s why I’m always on the go
I tell them that’s why I can’t sit still
I tell them that’s why I can’t sleep
and they smile
like I’m joking
like its cute and quirky
while I secretly want to separate my skin from my flesh
claw my way out of this body
just to see if I will finally feel free