Borders of Seasons - My daughter's thoughts after her birthday dinner.

It seems like all of life is made of seasons. But the seasons are not clear and drift back and forth into each other. The borders of seasons are the most confusing and that’s where I am now.  
 
During a birthday dinner with my mother I started remembering my childhood.  Once I asked my mother if we could go see Grandma in heaven. Mother never said there wasn’t a heaven to visit, but her tone when she said no made me realize this life might be all there is and I felt sick inside. I filed that sick feeling in the “I don’t know” box in my mind and there it has stayed, content to remain unanswered.  
 
Now that I’m older, I understand that heaven is probably in her “I don’t know” box too, but it makes more sense to live life with it there.  
 
While we ate, I looked at my mother. She was beautiful. I began to understand that this life is a gift to be shared, not lived with limits as if there is some future reward.  
 
Since I have no guarantees of a next season, I’ll squeeze all the joys and pleasures offered by this one without the anxiety of seeking a heaven after I die. Maybe our heaven is here and now.