get it right

i say be sure
to get it right. don’t want  
a ‘no ragrets’ situation.
you might laugh, you know.
i’m not sure I believe in god.
i say wait and take a swig
of cheap shit off the nightstand.
it dribbles down my chin and I’m
grinning, lips parted girlishly.
exhale, loudly.  
    i know I believe in simulation hypothesis.
      the matrix. you know. all that.  
a blade on my inner left thigh  
traces the line it’s about to cut
and I feel like my cunt is breathing.
i need to see the droplets, the red  
beads and then i breathe. i say
look at me. my neck rolls
and that's the first thing i feel
because everything else is black
and gold, and red. look
at me, and that's the only thing
i ask