Joseph

All those times you turned to me
You needed me, and you let yourself
You relied so much on my guidance
I did everything in my power
I brought you up the best I could
Mum wasn’t well with troubles of her own
She’d sit, cry and refuse to eat
I’d try and persuade her as she’d cower

But you never knew all of this
I tried so hard to make sure of it
You never saw her locked away
You too had so much to manage
I’d be the one you’d come to every time
Crying and scared, so you’d stay with me a while
Then I’d sit late at night at the side of your bed
Until you’d fall asleep and forget the damage

His manipulation was so exquisite
So mean and powerful, so cruel
He’d smirk at the thought of scaring you
Of seeing that little boy crying, yielding
I’d stand my ground and stand up to him
The more I thought of you, the less I feared him
I was barely a teenager back then
But it was you Joe that needed shielding

He’d tell awful lies to everyone
I’d be stopped in street by strangers
They had to tell me I was an evil child
They believed all those deceits
Believed that I beat him up
That I’d steal from him and trash his house
They didn’t care that he was always drunk
Despite him been drunk every time they’d meet

The rest of the family on both sides
Left us alone, left us to it
Left us to fight with such a cruel man
While at home, Mums little bit of strength gave in
After a while, you settled into school
Mum became less defensive and made a few friends
This is when it hit me the most
This is when my world caved in

As you grew up, you became bitter and nasty
The whole 6foot4 of you leant over me one day
Your fist in my face, do you remember that?
I cried so much, it made you cry too
That night you apologised so genuinely
I hope I had a part in forming that good side of you
But you’ve rarely been kind to me or Mum
Even now, as things are getting easier for you

You treat us so poorly, and hurt us so often
You’re embarrassed at how different we are
But you still come to me when you need to moan
I thought you’d have learned to listen to me somehow
Every so often I get a glimpse of the old you
That you that’s a joker and loves his family
So regularly you break my heart, knowing you’ve lost that need for me
But you could at least be there for me now