Under my umbrella...my friend (Diary)

I remember my first thought of ending my life, I was only eight years old and my mother screamed at me for accidently dropping her "four hundred dollar poodle." It might sound like something that wouldn't trigger such an extreme reaction as death, but when you never feel like you can measure up in a parents eyes, well even the small disappointments become huge. Life and divorce had changed my mother into someone unrecognizable.  
In broken spirit I crawled under our front porch and found a mouse and through my tears, I swooped him up in an old fish net, I just needed a friend, but I felt sorry for him and decided to let him go, besides, there was no reason for both of us to be imprisoned. I felt so alone, yet that little mouse somehow made me feel not so alone that day. As he scurried away, I sobbed myself to sleep under that old porch until my mom returned from the vet that evening.  
My mom didnt change much as I grew older, she only got worse, so at 16 I attempted it again, this time, charcoal staining the ER floor, then placed in an institution with no voice...kids never have a voice.  
Everything has a time and a place, and i know this because this is where I met Chris, finally someone to understand my pain. Stripped down to hospital scrubs, nothing sharp littering our rooms, however the nurses snuck in a glass angel they felt would lift my spirit, and she did.  
Chris also wanted an escape from a life gone wrong, and when you are not yet an adult, theres not many options, so you decide to try to make your own, besides, the world would be a better place without you, I always rationalized in my head, obviously he did too.  
It was the first time in a long time I could laugh, and he quickly became like a brother to me. I checked out before he did, we exchanged numbers and addresses. It always bothered me that I wrote him but never heard back, little did I know until years later, my mom had hid his letters from me.  
As fate would have it, two years ago I was driving down the road and passed a man that was holding everything he owned on his back and on his bike. It was starting to rain and get colder and I knew I couldn't fit him in my car due to his bike and also the fact that my kids were in the car with me that day, but I could see he was in need, so I stopped at a convenient store just up the road in the direction he was walking and bought an umbrella, food and water for the stranger.  
As I bring the car to a stop beside him, as soon as my eyes locked onto him i realized all these years later, it was none other than Chris. Everything childish in me wanted to celebrate and hug him and not let go, yet getting my emotions under control i considered if i did this how would this make him feel? I mean here i am driving a 30 thousand dollar vehicle, nice clothes and enough to give someone else what they need, I felt he shouldn't know who I was, time had changed me into a woman, and no man should ever have to feel that broken, so I handed him the food, water and umbrella, and as soon as I left his side burst into tears, I didnt want to leave him there, I offered to get him a room but he wouldn't take it. I prayed for him, I dont know if our paths will ever cross again, but I pray if they do, hes in a warm home with a loving family, and riding his bike is a past time. ❤