Epidemic

Some call it a black dog
and I'm not sure I understood it,
wanted to but didn't,  
perhaps lacked the required depth
for full submersion  
or length of time enduring it.  
Now I think I see
the unruly biting face at heel,
an epidemic of biled feeling,
enforcement of focus
until focus is too hard,
and focus shifts onto
distraction or collapsing
into anything that seems
close to embrace.  
Some people say
you stop noticing
stars, food,
sleep, laundry piles
two heaps high that call
without voices
from an unwashed
kitchen floor
and the children
sense your collapse,
ones you promised
never would.
The things you should do
bleed into days you can't.
I'm only now seeing
how greedy that hound  
is upon my essential organs,
ribs and marrow
too exposed to air.  
I'm now aware
of my transgressions,
the bane I place
upon loved ones
and strangers,
how the pandemic
has fucked us,
the realities
we face now
that existed already.  
I wonder if they see
that dark animal
scurrying frantically too,  
go on ignoring basic
day to day tasks
hoping a nap fixes things.