deepundergroundpoetry.com
Laura
I remember how
I saw you through the glass
of my back door
the day you came to stay with me;
you, outside, knocking,
standing timid, yes,
but eager for me, too --
eager then
and shining-eyed.
And I remember how
within my welcoming you in,
you then became
a golden shimmering,
ready for a slow slow kiss;
and this – this too:
you
whispering “Hello,
how are you now?”,
your red red mouth
an embering against my ear,
and oh
the swiftness and the hunger
of your hands
to cup my face
as if you’d been deprived of touch,
of me,
for months,
and I,
how I,
then thinking this a dream,
could barely breathe.
I saw you through the glass
of my back door
the day you came to stay with me;
you, outside, knocking,
standing timid, yes,
but eager for me, too --
eager then
and shining-eyed.
And I remember how
within my welcoming you in,
you then became
a golden shimmering,
ready for a slow slow kiss;
and this – this too:
you
whispering “Hello,
how are you now?”,
your red red mouth
an embering against my ear,
and oh
the swiftness and the hunger
of your hands
to cup my face
as if you’d been deprived of touch,
of me,
for months,
and I,
how I,
then thinking this a dream,
could barely breathe.
Published 19th Oct 2021
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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24th Oct 2021 8:04pm
Don't you show, in your poem, how arrogant you are and how servile she is? That poor woman seems like a servant coming to her arrogant master to have pity on her and humbly asking him after making herself like a clown with her red red mouth against your ear as if she is ashamed to ask you loudly to kiss her as if you will give her the kiss of life by this kiss. She is so eager to cup your face as if she needs your touch to regain her life. Is this a decent attitude from her side. Is this your respect for women? She is so timid and humble to have alms from that master? What kind of person is that Hercules?
May l ask you how can you say AN EMBERING?
And why do you use the back door? Is it to make her more humble?
When you asked her in, she became a golden shimmering!! Why? Because the master accepted her? Isn't that very strange?
Another question, "then thinking this WAS a dream." Don't you think your phrase must become a clause with WAS?
May l ask you how can you say AN EMBERING?
And why do you use the back door? Is it to make her more humble?
When you asked her in, she became a golden shimmering!! Why? Because the master accepted her? Isn't that very strange?
Another question, "then thinking this WAS a dream." Don't you think your phrase must become a clause with WAS?
I take it that you've never been the object of an avid woman's fierce desire or seen one glow or reach for you when she laid eyes on you after not seeing you for a while.
I'm also pretty sure that you would not know how to put it into evocative words even if you have had this experience.
Cue the ad hominems, the declarations that the topic is not one suitable for poetry, and the hypocritical complaints that I haven't answered your questions.
By the way, your statement "She is so eager to cup your face as if she needs your touch to regain her life." is yet another example of how you continually misread the things I write. I did NOT say that what she needed was for me to touch her. I said that she had an intense need to touch me.
I'm also pretty sure that you would not know how to put it into evocative words even if you have had this experience.
Cue the ad hominems, the declarations that the topic is not one suitable for poetry, and the hypocritical complaints that I haven't answered your questions.
By the way, your statement "She is so eager to cup your face as if she needs your touch to regain her life." is yet another example of how you continually misread the things I write. I did NOT say that what she needed was for me to touch her. I said that she had an intense need to touch me.
24th Oct 2021 9:41pm
And just as I predicted, you are asking me to do what you steadfastly won't do when I ask you to answer -- and to not use underhanded tactics to avoid answering -- questions I ask you about what you write.
And the reason I didn't answer your questions is, to take a leaf from your book, they aren't worth answering.
But I'll tell you what: I will answer them once you give me an honest answer to the question of whether you have ever been an avid woman's object of fierce desire and, if you have, you go on to put this experience into a poem that is worded in a way that will make a reader actually feel what this experience was like.
And the reason I didn't answer your questions is, to take a leaf from your book, they aren't worth answering.
But I'll tell you what: I will answer them once you give me an honest answer to the question of whether you have ever been an avid woman's object of fierce desire and, if you have, you go on to put this experience into a poem that is worded in a way that will make a reader actually feel what this experience was like.
24th Oct 2021 10:35pm
"...and to not use underhanded practice ..."
Look at the split infinitive. You should say,"... and not to use". Or your mistakes are forgivable.
Look at the split infinitive. You should say,"... and not to use". Or your mistakes are forgivable.
Another dodge -- and this one based on a lack of knowledge:
https://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2012/02/split-infinitives-are-not-incorrect-grammatically/
https://www.theguardian.com/science/shortcuts/2017/sep/25/to-boldly-go-split-infinitive-grammatical-error-research
http://crosstalk.cell.com/blog/it-isnt-wrong-to-split-infinitive
https://editorsmanual.com/articles/split-infinitives/
Is it wrong to split an infinitive?
It is fine to split an infinitive in English. The injunction to not split infinitives, which dates back to Victorian times, is based neither on English grammar nor on actual usage. Most people regularly break this “rule” without even realizing it. For instance, did you notice that an infinitive was split in the first sentence of this paragraph?
EXAMPLE
The injunction to not split infinitives is unreasonable.
Some people have stylistic objections. Perhaps because Latin does not allow the infinitive to be split, they consider a split infinitive inelegant. However, in Latin, the infinitive is one word, whereas in English, the infinitive comprises two words, a particle plus a verb (to + split), which can easily and meaningfully be split. In fact, sometimes, not splitting the infinitive can lead to ambiguity or loss of intended emphasis.
According to Fowler's "A Dictionary of Modern English Usage", the notion that split infinitives are grammatically wrong originated from an application of Latin grammar (where it isn't even possible to split an infinitive) to English in the eighteenth century.
A funny quote from Fowler, via the Guardian style guide:
"The English-speaking world may be divided into (1) those who neither know nor care what a split infinitive is; (2) those who do not know, but care very much; (3) those who know and condemn; (4) those who know and distinguish. Those who neither know nor care are the vast majority, and are happy folk, to be envied." (HW Fowler, Modern English Usage, 1926)
Once again, you do not know what you are talking about.
https://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2012/02/split-infinitives-are-not-incorrect-grammatically/
https://www.theguardian.com/science/shortcuts/2017/sep/25/to-boldly-go-split-infinitive-grammatical-error-research
http://crosstalk.cell.com/blog/it-isnt-wrong-to-split-infinitive
https://editorsmanual.com/articles/split-infinitives/
Is it wrong to split an infinitive?
It is fine to split an infinitive in English. The injunction to not split infinitives, which dates back to Victorian times, is based neither on English grammar nor on actual usage. Most people regularly break this “rule” without even realizing it. For instance, did you notice that an infinitive was split in the first sentence of this paragraph?
EXAMPLE
The injunction to not split infinitives is unreasonable.
Some people have stylistic objections. Perhaps because Latin does not allow the infinitive to be split, they consider a split infinitive inelegant. However, in Latin, the infinitive is one word, whereas in English, the infinitive comprises two words, a particle plus a verb (to + split), which can easily and meaningfully be split. In fact, sometimes, not splitting the infinitive can lead to ambiguity or loss of intended emphasis.
According to Fowler's "A Dictionary of Modern English Usage", the notion that split infinitives are grammatically wrong originated from an application of Latin grammar (where it isn't even possible to split an infinitive) to English in the eighteenth century.
A funny quote from Fowler, via the Guardian style guide:
"The English-speaking world may be divided into (1) those who neither know nor care what a split infinitive is; (2) those who do not know, but care very much; (3) those who know and condemn; (4) those who know and distinguish. Those who neither know nor care are the vast majority, and are happy folk, to be envied." (HW Fowler, Modern English Usage, 1926)
Once again, you do not know what you are talking about.
Does anyone else who has read this submission of mine think that J-Z has read things into the piece that are not there? Do I actually say the things he says I say or adopt the attitude that he says my piece displays?
Has anyone else wondered whether J-Z has ever had a woman physically express hot desire for him, let alone whether he could write something that actually was evocative enough to get readers to feel for themselves and to be brought into what this experience was like?
Has anyone else wondered whether J-Z has ever had a woman physically express hot desire for him, let alone whether he could write something that actually was evocative enough to get readers to feel for themselves and to be brought into what this experience was like?
