the better

I felt the better or in actual the false better the altered me. The me that could only be with assistance. It's magical. Like a plant will grow with water, my thoughts go just go on longer. Not only extended these thoughts become but deeper and farther, the thoughts you want to follow if even into a lightless hole. Eyes don't rest they constantly scan, looking at all the leftover images and sights that were over seen by the ordinary state of mind. Unnatural realizations of everything come easy when "better" or in reality much worse then before. On an endless mission to find the "better" again. We find the "better" only comes once in some rare cases twice. The mission was dead before it began, exhausted lifeless and so torn chasing a fill for the void tripping and stumbling digging your corpses place of disposal going nowhere from no balance of impertinent goals, crawling with indisputable ignorance to find the once but now nonexistent altered state "the better. Insomnia, lonely, now homely, always searching. Was i worth it? The need to indulge in as much as possible to reach the temporary "better". Now on one impossible mission but a second one , the one that came after all the searching not only a void to fill but a must have to go on. The addiction