The Dark Side of the Moon

Reading week really struck a chord with me- and I'm not sure it's one I have ever heard before. It made me look back on a lot of things that now have me feeling as if an ominus presence  is looming somewhere around the next corner. And I've never been very good at dealing with sinister things...my best defense is usually to throw glitter at it-it's been the solution to many of my problems in the past. But in all seriousness I have somehow come to a point in time-just a breath before I turn twenty- where I have really begun to analyze my life and the lives of those who surround me. What I've noticed is more than a little startling.

Terrible things happen to good people.

Great people give up on life.

Strangers become best friends after you loose them.

Family is a limited life source you will never get enough of.

I may be an optimist but I'm not completley naaive. Not everything is bliss. And lately the people around me seem to be suffering. It just seems like simple statistics that my number is coming up. After nineteen years of no major illnesses, no broken or sprained bones no uncurable heartaches and no major trials, I sometimes wonder if I am less complete of a human being becuase I haven't had to endure any significant pain. I have seen people who are much better than me get shit kicked by karma-and god knows I deserve a knock or two every now and then-but it never seems to come. And when negative emotions do occur- bitterness, anger, jealousy, tears-they often turn to acceptance.

Everything has its place and I tend to see that quickly.

But am I denying an essential part of myself by only living in the sunshine? It seems weird to think that my ability to be constantly happy may actually be a disability....but sometimes it feels that way.

I think that's secretley why I love mosh pits so much. One of these days I hope to walk away with a bloddy nose a black eye and a huge smile on my fat lip- becuase I'm not perfect- yet life has been perfectly lovely to me and I just think its about time I knew what it was like to have to stand up for who I am.

On the flip side (becuase you know me-there is always a flip side) I feel like my circumstance has perhaps put me in a very demanding position I am more than willing to accept. By gliding through life I have been able to significantly increase my capacity for love, compassion, and generosity. It has allowed me to form a deep connection and relationship with myself that isn't dependant on anyone else or any common views of happiness or normalcy. I kind of feel like a warrior for the under dog. I never had to be one, but I always was. And even though the darkness never over shadowed me, I always sought it out and tried to bring a little light and a flash of rainbow into it. I guess in the end we can't be unhappy with what we are given. And I have bounitful gratitude and appreciation for my life to say the very least. I suppose the best thing to do is to continue to be open to every new facet of life and the human experience and conitnue to grow both in the sunshine and the rain-

becuase we truely need both to survive.