deepundergroundpoetry.com
Autumn in Sherwood
We watched them fall -
the late October leaves
from silver birch and ancient oak -
and, whimsied,
called,
as children come into this forest
often do,
to Robin and his men,
long dead, ghosts all.
But still
we heard from far away
the echo
of a warning call from hunting horns
and then
within the gentle lacey hiss
of all those downward
blood red spiralings,
the whispers, fierce, intent,
of arcing arrows piercing air.
Published 18th Aug 2021
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Anonymous
19th Aug 2021 7:53am
A beautiful extended image.
Skillful, competent iambs.
A good articulating-out of the metaphor of the trees in the forest and the Robin Hood lore.
The ending could be made a bit more complex, allowing the Robin Hood metaphor to play out a bit, with a few more references to the tales and lore--
Enjoyed!
Skillful, competent iambs.
A good articulating-out of the metaphor of the trees in the forest and the Robin Hood lore.
The ending could be made a bit more complex, allowing the Robin Hood metaphor to play out a bit, with a few more references to the tales and lore--
Enjoyed!
20th Aug 2021 1:01pm
1- You say,"... from silver birch,and ancient oak..."
Shouldn't you say, from A silver birch, and AN ancient oak?
2- Is the rhythm correct in these two lines?
... as children come into this forest
often do...
Shouldn't you say, from A silver birch, and AN ancient oak?
2- Is the rhythm correct in these two lines?
... as children come into this forest
often do...
20th Aug 2021 1:55pm
1- You say,"... from silver birch,and ancient oak..."
Shouldn't you say, from A silver birch, and AN ancient oak?"
No.
2- Is the rhythm correct in these two lines?
... as children come into this forest
often do...
Yes, it's correct.
as CHILDren COME inTO this FORest
OFTen DO...
Shouldn't you say, from A silver birch, and AN ancient oak?"
No.
2- Is the rhythm correct in these two lines?
... as children come into this forest
often do...
Yes, it's correct.
as CHILDren COME inTO this FORest
OFTen DO...
20th Aug 2021 2:12pm
They are correct for you. When BIRCH,and oak are trees, the are considered COUNTABLE.
How can you take the rhythm to another line?
How can you take the rhythm to another line?
20th Aug 2021 2:15pm
"They are correct for you. When BIRCH,[sic -- space needed and comma not]] and oak are trees, the are considered COUNTABLE."
Except the leaves are not falling from one birch or one oak.
"How can you take the rhythm to another line?"
Easily.
Except the leaves are not falling from one birch or one oak.
"How can you take the rhythm to another line?"
Easily.
How can you use BIRCH, AND OAK as trees without articles or S when they are used as trees? Their LEAVES are some things and trees are some things else.
Birch, and oak: you can look up the punctuation rules of comma to be sure that what l said was right.
Not so easily if you want to be accurate.
Birch, and oak: you can look up the punctuation rules of comma to be sure that what l said was right.
Not so easily if you want to be accurate.
I cannot escape thinking how ironic this chastisement is coming from someone who has stated more than once that articles may be left out of lines in order to maintain a desired rhythm!
In any case, the words birch and oak are being used as mass nouns.
And what is your justification for using a comma after "birch" and before "and" in your "How can you use BIRCH, AND OAK as trees ..." ? What rule of punctuation allows it? [Cue the "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you" type of response to this question].
Moreover, as to not being "accurate" with respect to meter, let alone that the rules of prosody do not allow a line's meter to be continued and wrapped up in a following line, I hardly think, given how often you produce metrically bumpy lines, that you are one to say I'm wrong. And in doing so, you imply that Mark (who unlike you, is a published poet) doesn't know what he's talking about
If you would take the time to read aloud (assuming you know standard English pronunciation) what I wrote, you'll see that my lines flow mellifluously.
In any case, the words birch and oak are being used as mass nouns.
And what is your justification for using a comma after "birch" and before "and" in your "How can you use BIRCH, AND OAK as trees ..." ? What rule of punctuation allows it? [Cue the "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you" type of response to this question].
Moreover, as to not being "accurate" with respect to meter, let alone that the rules of prosody do not allow a line's meter to be continued and wrapped up in a following line, I hardly think, given how often you produce metrically bumpy lines, that you are one to say I'm wrong. And in doing so, you imply that Mark (who unlike you, is a published poet) doesn't know what he's talking about
If you would take the time to read aloud (assuming you know standard English pronunciation) what I wrote, you'll see that my lines flow mellifluously.
20th Aug 2021 4:04pm
1- According to Webster dictionary, separate words in series: Men, women, and children crowded into the square. Why not BIRCH, AND OAK?
2- Suppose l make a mistake, this mistake doesn't become a rule.
2- Suppose l make a mistake, this mistake doesn't become a rule.
20th Aug 2021 4:19pm
"1- According to Webster dictionary, separate words in series: Men, women, and children crowded into the square. Why not BIRCH, AND OAK?"
Because it's two words, not three, and they are not a series of trees. Moreover your "and" **joins** them together as a group.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/and
and
conjunction
1—used as a function word to indicate connection or addition especially of items within the same class or type —used to join sentence elements of the same grammatical rank or function
Commas separate things. For a comma to be correct, you'd have to have spoken of at least three things (i.e. birch, oak, and sycamore).
Because it's two words, not three, and they are not a series of trees. Moreover your "and" **joins** them together as a group.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/and
and
conjunction
1—used as a function word to indicate connection or addition especially of items within the same class or type —used to join sentence elements of the same grammatical rank or function
Commas separate things. For a comma to be correct, you'd have to have spoken of at least three things (i.e. birch, oak, and sycamore).
I agree with your ideas in the previous item, but l would like you to understand them.
1- Who told you the series has to be THREE.
2- The boy saw the film. His sister saw the film.
The boy saw the film, and his sister ......... .
Why not, the boy, and his sister saw the film? What is the comma, Baldwin? Can you tell me?
1- Who told you the series has to be THREE.
2- The boy saw the film. His sister saw the film.
The boy saw the film, and his sister ......... .
Why not, the boy, and his sister saw the film? What is the comma, Baldwin? Can you tell me?
Which is correct?
Two people saw the film: a boy and his sister.
Two people saw the film: a boy, and his sister.
Cue the crickets and/or the red herring.
Two people saw the film: a boy and his sister.
Two people saw the film: a boy, and his sister.
Cue the crickets and/or the red herring.
20th Aug 2021 5:43pm
J-Z
So was Mark Parsons wrong when he said that my piece was not only
A beautiful extended image.
but displayed
Skillful, competent iambs.
Do you think that he has no idea what he is talking about?
Cue the crickets.
So was Mark Parsons wrong when he said that my piece was not only
A beautiful extended image.
but displayed
Skillful, competent iambs.
Do you think that he has no idea what he is talking about?
Cue the crickets.
20th Aug 2021 5:52pm
The comma is a short stop, and in a lot of circumstances it depends on the meanings, but you couldn't say it was a mistake where l used it, especially if you are not sure.
"The comma is a short stop, and in a lot of circumstances it depends on the meanings,"
On the meanings of what?
"but you couldn't say it was a mistake where l used it, especially if you are not sure."
But I am sure that it was a mistake. And you didn't answer my questions about which of the two sentences above is correct and whether you think tat Mark is an incompetent critic..
As I said, crickets and red herrings..
On the meanings of what?
"but you couldn't say it was a mistake where l used it, especially if you are not sure."
But I am sure that it was a mistake. And you didn't answer my questions about which of the two sentences above is correct and whether you think tat Mark is an incompetent critic..
As I said, crickets and red herrings..
20th Aug 2021 7:10pm
