Mid July-Oct 2012 (conclusion)

I never smoked again.

However, as the summer of 2012 slipped into autumn, I faced two new problems: a chronic mouth infection caused by the mouth reacting to the absence of cigarettes, and strong, almost uncontrollable, urges to buy a pack of cigarettes, smoke all the cigarettes in a day, and then quit again in the morning.

The dentist dealt with the first problem by prescribing an antibacterial mouthwash. But only I could deal with the second. Thankfully, I didn’t gave in to temptation, no matter how powerful.

Facebook post 15 Oct 12: had a special lung function test to see if not smoking has yielded any significant changes. A couple - lung function is now considered normal and the true age has dropped by 12 year, which has to be good.


Letting The Cigarette Drop

Midnight

My eyelids droop. I must keep them open but I no longer have the energy stay awake. It is late, after all, and I’m sitting on the edge of the bed, smoking a cigarette. I let my eyes shut and travel somewhere else. Images come and go.

The cigarette

A silent whisper warns of fires and destruction, but my awareness of impending danger has dampened. I’m in a reverie now, calm and snug, free from the stresses of the day.

Smoking in bed causes fires

Some primitive part of my brain sends out a message. A flicker of unease, perhaps. I feel the grip of my hand weaken as the cigarette slips from within my reach, onto the carpet. I come to suddenly.

Not again

I search for the cigarette and find it.

What if it’s serious the next time?

Thankfully, I no longer have to worry about that type of thing. I'm a non-smoker now.