deepundergroundpoetry.com
WE HAVE ONE HEART.
WE HAVE ONE HEART.
If you love me, you can tell me
that we are two with one heart.
Both of us are singing one song
imposed on us by one guide.
I'm so happy when l hear you.
It's the same song that l sing.
As l hear it, my heart flutters
and l cheer up that you're near.
Tune of love, you stir all my life
giving me all what l want.
Hills and valleys get such nice fields
full of flowers and song birds.
Flowers give scent, birds their vocals,
changing my life to great mirth.
All that happens when you tell me
that we both have just one heart.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
If you love me, you can tell me
that we are two with one heart.
Both of us are singing one song
imposed on us by one guide.
I'm so happy when l hear you.
It's the same song that l sing.
As l hear it, my heart flutters
and l cheer up that you're near.
Tune of love, you stir all my life
giving me all what l want.
Hills and valleys get such nice fields
full of flowers and song birds.
Flowers give scent, birds their vocals,
changing my life to great mirth.
All that happens when you tell me
that we both have just one heart.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Published 20th Jul 2021
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 3
comments 22
reads 711
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 3rd Aug 2021 00:45am
20th Jul 2021 11:33pm
<< post removed >>
20th Jul 2021 11:36pm
Anonymous
- Edited 3rd Aug 2021 00:45am
21st Jul 2021 3:08am
<< post removed >>
21st Jul 2021 2:27pm
21st Jul 2021 2:43pm
I am very glad you like my poem, Lil, because your opinion means a lot to me,
and gives me great encouragement. Thank you very much.
and gives me great encouragement. Thank you very much.
Are you actually saying here (in what is essentially a portion of a diary entry where you tell us what you feel rather than bringing a reader into as experience through the use of concrete appeals to the senses);
"Tune of love, you stir all my life
giving me all what [sic that?] l want.
Hills and valleys get such nice fields
full of flowers and song birds.
that a song creates "nice fields" in hills and valleys?
That's what your syntax makes you say.
Cue the ad hominems.
"Tune of love, you stir all my life
giving me all what [sic that?] l want.
Hills and valleys get such nice fields
full of flowers and song birds.
that a song creates "nice fields" in hills and valleys?
That's what your syntax makes you say.
Cue the ad hominems.
21st Jul 2021 4:04pm
21st Jul 2021 4:36pm
And yet you just said in another thread " You could express your ideas very well, but you seem hopeless in this poem. I love it. It talks about a very serious subject which every person feels. It's a great poem."
But thanks for doing exactly what I said you'd do -- attack my person by calling me ignorant rather that showing that what I said about some verses in your submission are off the mark. Ah how true to form (not to mention vain) you are
But thanks for doing exactly what I said you'd do -- attack my person by calling me ignorant rather that showing that what I said about some verses in your submission are off the mark. Ah how true to form (not to mention vain) you are
21st Jul 2021 8:20pm
"Both of us are singing one song
imposed on us by one guide."
Who is the one guide who/that has imposed a song on you and your heart's delight?
And can a song that is imposed on you, and not composed by you and of your own free will, something to be joyous about?
imposed on us by one guide."
Who is the one guide who/that has imposed a song on you and your heart's delight?
And can a song that is imposed on you, and not composed by you and of your own free will, something to be joyous about?
21st Jul 2021 8:31pm
21st Jul 2021 8:53pm
Ah yes. Labeling my comment rather than dealing with it. A sure sign that a writer has no answer for the criticism he receives.
Why is it not worth dealing with? It is not on point? If not, why not? What's wrong with it?
Why is it not worth dealing with? It is not on point? If not, why not? What's wrong with it?
21st Jul 2021 9:32pm
Look at your first idea or paragraph. Where is the sentence? Why don't you join the first two phrases with the second two clauses by simply adding IS, Mr grammar?
This is a dodge of my questions. It is NOT clear who or what the guide that you speak of is. And the word "impose" connotes the action of a force not asked for,
Dictionary
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im·pose
/imˈpōz/
Learn to pronounce
verb
1.
force (something unwelcome or unfamiliar) to be accepted or put in place.
"the decision was theirs and was not imposed on them by others"
Dictionary
Search for a word
im·pose
/imˈpōz/
Learn to pronounce
verb
1.
force (something unwelcome or unfamiliar) to be accepted or put in place.
"the decision was theirs and was not imposed on them by others"
21st Jul 2021 10:16pm
Yes, it was imposed on them by having one heart or one guide. I know the meaning of IMPOSE, no need to explain and use phonetics, Baldwin.
21st Jul 2021 10:28pm
21st Jul 2021 10:39pm
My heart produces songs in me
I do not want to hear or sing.
Such songs are icy, most unwelcome things;
they’re dire.
Instead of lilting me to joy
they, quite against my will,
destroy my peace of mind
and make so disharmonious my world.
They are not my guide to love,
nor can they ever be.
I do not want to hear or sing.
Such songs are icy, most unwelcome things;
they’re dire.
Instead of lilting me to joy
they, quite against my will,
destroy my peace of mind
and make so disharmonious my world.
They are not my guide to love,
nor can they ever be.
21st Jul 2021 10:40pm
Leaving aside that I asked you a question, why would you understand what what I asked you given that you are incapable of actually seeing how your own wording of things makes you say stupid things that are quite often nonsensical or the opposite of what you think you are saying.
21st Jul 2021 10:58pm
22nd Jul 2021 1:39pm
But you DON'T answer me. You keep posting attacks on my person and red herrings rather than actually dealing responsibly with what I ask of you and showing how and why my remarks about what you write and the way you do so are off the mark if you think they are.
22nd Jul 2021 8:48pm
If you love me,
you will, without delay
whisper now,
your mouth against my ear,
how much your heart
is mine.
But if you for the slightest moment
hesitate
to plight to me your troth
and bring desire true,
within a captivating melody,
today into our lives,
be gone!
There is no sense
in waiting and in wasting time
to hear you say or sing
“I love you, yes,
I do!”.
you will, without delay
whisper now,
your mouth against my ear,
how much your heart
is mine.
But if you for the slightest moment
hesitate
to plight to me your troth
and bring desire true,
within a captivating melody,
today into our lives,
be gone!
There is no sense
in waiting and in wasting time
to hear you say or sing
“I love you, yes,
I do!”.
