Still Breathing

Im glad you stayed strong through all that hardship. Its the storms in life that decide who deserves the sun, and you are Shining.

Thank you! I am trying to shine as much as possible!and I Love this website I have learned that survival is a choice....I choose to succeed ... I choose to survive.

Im glad you remained positive in all that has happen ..i see your ah strong woman thru your words ..i can relate to every word you wrote..way to let the words pour from your heart

Thank you sooo much for that PIP! (Perfectly Imperfect)  Life deals us some crappy stuff sometimes so I have decided that I will use the crapp to fertilize my hopes and dreams for the future. I am trying daily not to let life get the best of me .... So I write!! (smile)

As usual your positivity and personal strength shine through. Clearly these words just flow from you and the poem is easy enough to read but (as usual) I'd suggest you work a little harder with your form to improve the pacing, flow and emphasis of this very strong message. You start with repeating punchline that serves to drive home the message. But the length of the stanzas (which exist even if they are not marked by punctuation or line breaks) is shrinking which subliminally suggests you're running out of ideas/energy/belief. I'd work a little at evening out the stanzas and break up that very long last one where you let the thoughts run away with both you and the poem. Suggestions below. Liked your poem, as always.  R.

I was barely born
my mothers placenta
was torn
but I
kept breathing.

Then,
in the autum season
she committed parental treason
gave me up for no reason
even so I am..
still breathing

As a youth I was plagued
with visions and dreams
in foster homes where my
li'l life was ripped at the seams
but I am
still breathing

I've seen death up close
with a man's hands on my throat
been homeless in the street
with no food for me
or my kids to eat.
At times I lost more than I gained
and my core was all that remained
but I kept
breathing

and if I am still breathing
then I know
theres a reason for my being
regardless of the worlds deceiving
my goal is to keep achieving
and spiritualy retrieving
direction..
to keep breathing

as I invoke Universal protection
for evil-energy detection
between this world and the next
because good always verses
the nexus that plagues us
so I break
hexes and curses
and I keep hope
breathing.

I turn back bad mojo
and I bring the light
everywhere that I go
and I dont have to
search for that light
because I let my soul GLO
in this world where
we are living.
If seeing is believing
then I know
I have a purpose
because I
am
still

breathing.

I was moving abit randomly thru the end... I agree with your suggestion as well.
I am Gonna Learn how to write it right yet! LOL
Thanks for your honest critique and support as Usual ! xxoo

I loved it and can relate to your struggles. Pen on Firebyrd!!!!

Thank you so much Jamie!



Firebyrd!