deepundergroundpoetry.com
Saying goodbye to sunlight
The daylight slips like an otter
into the stream behind tired eyes,
its dusty pink embers quench
the ruddy cheeks of falling clouds.
lush lips search out the sweet
damp grass of nightfall
and calls out the ground
that fears the flaming torch.
The darkening scent of silhouetted trees
rest their leaves as all creatures
breathe the shallow breaths of sleep
and whisper incantations
only the dawn will hear.
into the stream behind tired eyes,
its dusty pink embers quench
the ruddy cheeks of falling clouds.
lush lips search out the sweet
damp grass of nightfall
and calls out the ground
that fears the flaming torch.
The darkening scent of silhouetted trees
rest their leaves as all creatures
breathe the shallow breaths of sleep
and whisper incantations
only the dawn will hear.
Published 27th Apr 2021
Author's Note
Tell us what you see comp
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likes 3
reading list entries 3
comments 4
reads 562
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
27th Apr 2021 11:04am
I love that initial imagery of an otter slipping into the water (drew me in straight away) ... and the rest of the poem too :))
5th May 2021 12:11pm
Thank you Josh, really appreciate you taking the time on this one. Best Keith
28th Apr 2021 7:48pm
Excellent short 3 stanza piece. superb word choices and vocabulary. that opening line catches well "The daylight slips like an otter"
lines 2 and 3 "dusty pink embers quench" and "ruddy cheeks of falling clouds" I get a 1920s vibe with these lines that sits well.
stanza 2 feels like a cemetery grass or grass from my childhood peering out of the screen door when I was 3.
stanza 3 feels like the whole night is breathing.
well penned write. keep'em coming.
lines 2 and 3 "dusty pink embers quench" and "ruddy cheeks of falling clouds" I get a 1920s vibe with these lines that sits well.
stanza 2 feels like a cemetery grass or grass from my childhood peering out of the screen door when I was 3.
stanza 3 feels like the whole night is breathing.
well penned write. keep'em coming.
5th May 2021 12:14pm
Hi Samael, really appreciate your considered comments and your encouragement, I like your insight into your vision of the darkening grass, you have the beginnings of a poem there yourself. Thank you Best Keith
