The Sinning won't end until life ends

The gun is loaded and cocked.
A squeeze of the trigger and my brain gets rocked.
In a split second my life is stopped.
No more worries no more pain.
No more stress no more disdain.
Feelings of Hopelessness plague my existence.
Driving from work, heading home.
I Dread going home.
Especially when my so called home doesn't even feel like a home.
I feel like I'm a guest there.
I cannot think of anything else to compare.
I have grown to despise my life.
I have accepted the fact that happiness has ended for me.
Nothing or no one can alter this feeling for me.
It's much too late for me.
Pushing 50, times a running out.
At this stage of life, i no longer care what lifes about.
That's life.
I have spoken of this time and time again.
Life is shit.
My ex wife never treated me with so much anger.
I fucked up.
That's the lesson i most learned from.
Losing my wife.
Got this new wife.
I spell it's meaning s.t.r.i.f.e
I fuck up everything.
A fucking nothing is what i feel like.
Self esteem brutally torn down in this marriage.
Fuck.
All this madness is far more than what i bargained for.
There is no where's to run away to.
Only place i know where I'll finally be at peace, is the place of eternal sleep.
Sick of this.
Fuck this shit.
I've had enough of this shit.
Here i be playing the game of death.
Daily i pop these liver damaging pills.
Hoping for the final ride, oh what a thrill.
Alone in darkness keeping secrets buried within.
Entire life devoted to nothing but sin.
Lusting over many big tits.
Dreaming i had a bigger dick.
My mind plagued by forbidden desires.
Soul wrapped with razor sharp barbed wires.
My being shall be forgotten soon after my Demise.
Some say everything i speak on are lies.
Nobody will truly understand my ways.
Death is my judgment day.
My reward hopefully will be waiting for me on the otherside.
To that fair land of lifes tears with god on my side.
The one thing I've learned from my time here on this planet.
Only the lord god loves unconditionally, mankind isn't capable of this guaranteed bet.
My time here has been enough for me.
I've done all i wanted and seen all i care to see.
With open arms as i approach the reaper, soul deleter, soul keeper.
God take me away from all this death and sin.
One things for sure........................

The sinning won't end until life ends.
The sinning won't end until life ends.
The sinning won't end until life ends.