Looking Over My Shoulder

It's been a while. So, I thought I'd check in
Quiet and calm, the waters have been
Questioning a good thing, leave it to me
My world seems ok, how could that be
It feels un-natural, too good to be true
Waiting for it to fall, you know, the other shoe
Past experience has taught me all too well
There and back, a second home called hell
Tragedy after tragedy, loss after loss
I've survived, indeed, but what did it cost
The price has been paid. I have the receipt
Things I never ordered but forced to keep
A collection of scars, a trophy case of trauma
Self-destructive, paranoid skeptic, oh the drama
Peace, you see, it naturally comes and goes
I'm stuck somewhere in between, oh how it shows
An internal clock is always counting down
Ticking, until death rolls back around
Conspiracy theorist, I've mapped it all out
Patterns and timelines leave no doubt
A family curse or so it would seem
Generations destined, an echoed scream
I feel it in my bones, it's knocking on the door
Familiar, because well, it's all happened before
Stay focused. These chains, I have to break free
This time will be different, just wait and see
Cloaked in armor, hey it's now or never
This bond, this tie. Sword in hand. I sever.
Battle has commenced. Insane. It will drive her
An inside look at the thoughts of a survivor